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It is very difficult to share my whoughts . I’m 31 and I was never allowed to live my life since I belong from a brown conservative family. I got the biggest opportunity of life to get out of the bubble for my higher studies but I was brain washed to so much extent that I was believed that if I do not stay with my family , what will happen to them? I mean really ! If I married by this time when what then? Mom once answered that it would’ve been a different matter . Such double standards.
My parents are influential and rich, and they have helped everyone and everything . So and I got the chance to move to Canada , it was way too far way but it was brighter for my future . But they choose me a different country in Southeast Asia . So I was obliged to choose . By later I was told that they can’t finance me and they wanted to cut off my wings . But God was there to help me and I have survived without their support . Now I’m thinking of future .
Recurrence of their bad health is putting my mental health on the verge and I can’t take it anymore . I cannot stay with them anymore and enough is enough . Every next two days they are sick and I cannot deal it it anymore . You can’t pour from an empty cup , can you? I would’ve committed suicide another time but last time I was way too painful while I was doing the recovery . Death is not a option so I wanna be somewhere that I good for the health
I’ve been molested and raped by my cousin and uncle in my childhood and recent times. Although I’ve shared the molestation incident with mum, she is still very friendly with that uncle and he keeps visiting . My siblings are very close to that rapist although they have a hunch that he is not a well wisher for me. I was also molested once by a lungs doctor and I didn’t know how to react. Cuz I was very sick and I need of the medicine . It was become suffocating to stay in my motherland . Several relatives have threatened to kill us and once a miscreant was paid to kill my dad. These are too much for me to deal with .
Additionally, my ex bf left me in 2013 for abroad and he kept on and off contact with me . In 2017, he started the communication again and promised that he will come and fix Eth and still loves me and bla bla . Well , he came in 2020 and didn’t see me. He blamed me for the airport hassle and asking money for the high price ticket. He had this phase’you destroyed my life’ and you’re killing me as you’re leaving . Bla bla . He was an addicted and a narcissist. I was in a bubble of illusion that he made me believe in. Now that I’m back to reality , things are pretty shattered for me
So many things inside me. just wanna be myself and go to a safe country where I can lie down in peace without any drama. Enough of leading life by others instruction but I can’t do this anymore
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Reading you thoughts makes me feel so sick..how can your do nothing when someone molested their own child.in the first half i felt you're so selfish that you don't want to take care of sick parents...but may be people will still say they're your parents you should be their for them but i think no its your choice ...everyone gets what they deserve according to their karma...go and find peace when you still have time .
ReplyYou need to be well to take care of your family.
Replythis is so sad, I am also from a brown family and I feel your pain. They care more about outward appearances than making sure everyone is taken care of, loved, and heard. You can break out of this. Praying...
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