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Being a nurse has been a strong passionate of mine for many years. I finally managed to get into university to pursue my dream of becoming a nurse!
It’s currently my first year as a student nurse, on my very first proper placement.
The pandemic is still around, and all my course has been rushed… I feel as if I’m not properly prepared…
When I first started my placement, it was overwhelming! There were goods and bad’s, and a lot of snickering from a health care assistance who was supervising me the first day.
The third and fourth shift were amazing, I felt like a proper nurse, with a two amazing nurses supervising me and guiding me, teaching me and allowing me to ask so many questions in order for me to actually learn.
Alas, fast ward to my 5th shift, I felt so incompetent, so useless and so powerless. My practice assessor (from my third and fourth shift) wasn’t here for my 5th shift and neither was the other nurse. So of course, I was under the wings of a new nurse and Heath care worker… the nurse was busy and the health care worker was the one who tried to guide me. She was a little… rude at times, rolling her eyes subtly when I asked her a question which might have seemed stupid but it was for my benefit so I know what to do when I’m alone (as my practice assessor said, you need to ask a lot of questions whilst you’re a student, because once qualified… that will be strange).
I had a few incidents with doctors that would look down on me as if I was a nuisance until one saw I was a student and started to acknowledge my presence and gave me some much needed advice.
So much has happened, I’ve had a physiotherapist who made me feel like crap the second day with her minion, hug me on my third day after she saw how I was appointed to look after a patient that unfortunately had a few issues which made her difficult to care for, especially as a student.
I love all my patients - no matter how difficult it can be! But I feel as if I cannot express my emotions, my stress or anything to anyone… some people at the ward make me feel like shit. Well this is a long winded entry.. but I feel like I can’t express what I feel with other nurses or even other health professionals as “this is the profession I have chosen”, and I knew when I got into this course that it wouldn’t be rainbows and sunshine.
I feel like… because I’m a student, I don’t do as much as qualified nurses although I try my best to get involved in whatever I am allowed. I’m happy to be a student nurse, I really am! Especially when I hear nurses tell me they wish I was on their shifts, which make me feel so much confident.
I just need to work up the courage to speak about it with nurses and ask them about how their time as a student was.
Do any of you have any times or issues where you felt like you couldn’t express how you felt or felt guilty about feeling a way because “this is the path you chose”? Please let me know!
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ReplyKudos to you for your accomplishments. I hope you can hold those moments of confidence tight. You deserve to.
Now, I'm not fully aware of what exactly it means to be a "student nurse" but I imagine your job is supposed to be shadowing and asking questions. You seem like you've got a level head on your shoulders so I don't suspect you'll stop, I just want to give you a bit of extra encouragement. That's all.
Have I had times where I couldn't express how I felt? Many. Only my solution was just a smidge more dramatic in my younger years, often times choosing to simply walk off and go home. I'm glad you haven't done the same!
Feeling guilty about the path I chose? Heck yeah! Early on, I wanted to become an FBI agent. My only positive role model in early childhood was a fictional character by the name of Fox Mulder.
Had everything planned out. I was doing MCJROTC in high school, did that for 4 years. The next step was to join the marines, but alas I couldn't.
I dropped out of high school on my last year, life was really rough back then. Then to top it off I got in trouble with the law in a big way. I got caught up in a burglary that I had no idea was happening and they saw it fit to charge me as well as an accomplice. Despite my genuine lack of knowledge of what was going on.
I had already dedicated 4 years of my life to this path, it was the only path I had even considered. Shot down just half a year after turning 18. Yeah, having a second degree burglary charge doesn't look particularly good when you're applying for police academy nor for the military.
So yeah, I do know exactly how that feels. I know it's a downer of a story, but I'm still working on turning it around all these decades later.
I did end up managing to get into the army, my recruiter was kinda desperate. Got in, busted my knee 3 weeks away from graduation on an obstacle course. Though those memories were some of the best ones I have currently to this day.
So I did get to at least try my hand at least. I took my oath and I still stand by that oath. I did everything, every event, never fell out. Even after injuring my knee, I completed that course. You know what my favorite part was? It was learning to not blink when firing my weapon. I was hitting 9, maybe 11 targets tops for the first 3 or 4 weeks. Then, I stopped blinking and suddenly I became a freaking sniper overnight, often going 40/40, occasionally 39/40. That was a nice feeling. I had never felt it before, still don't know what it was but I imagine it was something to do with confidence.
Trust me when I say I truly believe you've got this. I know it can be a bit distressing but you've got that tenacity to do it. Don't you ever back down, and don't be afraid to ask the questions you need to. Even if some of them have to be petulant little toddlers about it. You're doing this for you and that's all that matters.
Though I do understand you just want to be treated decently, which you deserve. Just keep that candle burning, you're gonna make it! I know you will.
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