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When everything in my life seems to be going right, something has to go wrong. The most important people always leave and then I left with thoughts like "was I not good enough?" "it's all my fault" "it's because I'm ugly". I just don't get the point in living if it's always gonna be like this.
And I'm so scared of myself. I'm afraid what I'll do to myself. Like I so badly wanna just kill myself but I'm so fearful.
I'm even more scared because my Mom is gone for two days so Idk what I will do.
Like it's so scary because sharp objects sound appealing rather than scary.
I just can't keep doing this.
I can't keep having people leave my life and then pretend I'm okay.
I haven't cried to anyone in months.
They don't know the extent I'm suffering. I keep it all in. All they know is about relationship issues.
Please.
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If you are at school talk to the counselor. If you have left school or if you prefer contact the churches in your area because some churches have a counselor that you can see for free.
All throughout your life people will move on which means that they will leave you and you will also leave them. This is life. I have a friend who won't speak to me any more and I don't care because I don't put much importance on people. When you don't see people as everything that matters you will be free and happy.
Your mom wouldn't leave you for 2 days if she didn't think you can look after yourself in a responsible way. Killing yourself isn't being very responsible at all. You should go to a doctor about this because you are depressed. Talk to your mom about this.
ReplyAll thoughts, including the ones you just expressed, come and go. Most are uninvited, many are unwanted, and some are downright dangerous "its so scary because sharp objects sound appealing rather that scary". Some thoughts leave as fast as they arrive because you gave it no reaction. The simple arrival of a thought does not make it legit, your creation, important, or meaningful. You do that. You are the gatekeeper.
If you are interested, I can tell you how to do this effectively.
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