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It's been 2 years now since you ghosted me. It still hurts. I don't love you anymore, but I put too much of myself into this and I was left with nothing. I was checking my Block list on a social media app, because a past toxic ex tried to contact me, and that's when I saw it. His new profile picture of him posing with a new girl. All these suppressed feelings I thought I had got over all came back with a punch. I couldn't stop crying and sobbing for a whole day. In a way, I was kind of relieved. The last time we ever spoke he actually had covid and it was pretty serious. So the picture was in a way some kind of good news that he was doing good. But I also felt jealousness, not towards the girl with him, but to the fact that he found love. That he could fall in love and I couldn't even see his name without holding back tears. It's been 2 years for crying out loud, why can't I get over him.
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I know the feeling. It's hard to let go of your feelings for someone after you poured so much into it emotionally. It's a powerful thing. But just because you cried today doesn't mean you can't move on. Our emotions are complicated. Maybe someday two years from now your feelings for him will hit you again and you'll cry again. But that day doesn't have to be the one that defines you. You know what I mean? I don't know if I'm saying it right, but like, don't think your feelings for him have to completely evaporate for you to move on and have a happy life. That's how I'm trying to tell myself and I think it makes sense. You're allowed to define yourself by your good days even if some days get real low.
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