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In everything that I know it's becoming harder to desire pursuing a relationship in any measure. Why am I going to make all these changes and improvements to my life just to have a slightly better chance at a lifelong relationship?
I mean, realistically speaking, according to statistics. It's more likely that any major relationship I pursue will end in divorce by one cause or another. 80% of divorces are initiated by women. Granted that is a skewed number because it doesn't go into the reasons why such as infidelity. Something I know I would never do.
Yet still, the chances of maintaining a lifelong relationship is far less than 50%. So it's not even a coin toss. Why should I risk that? Because it feels right? Because that's what I truly want? That doesn't sound very reasonable nor does it sound logical.
So then why?
And if I don't try to pursue any kind of relationship, does that mean I'm just better off doing what I'm doing? Being this lazy, waste of space. Why should I care? It's not like there's any ultimate goal i actually want from this world.
I don't care about power, i don't care about having tons of money, i don't care about having fancy possessions. I'm a rather simple man. I can live fairly easily on $16,000 a year. I don't require much.
And I don't want to pursue any of those things. They are of no real value to me. The only reason I would pursue them would be for a potential partner. That's it. That's the only reason, because it would make it easier for a woman to love me if I embody the traditional male life style.
So I'm really caught between a rock and a hard place and honestly, it feels like that is all my life has ever been. I can't just be this way, even on my own. I'm not happy.
But it doesn't seem like I ever will be happy. There will always be those hard choices that have to be made and I'm the only one who can make them and I'm just sick of it.
There is no other way, I know for a fact that there is no other way. But I don't believe I have any desire to better myself without the promise of finding that relationship that will last and unfortunately, there's no way to possibly guarantee that I'll find that. It's not even 50% chance I'll find that. Heck for a 40 year marriage, which would be about how much life I've got left, I'd have less than 23% chance of that actually making it that far. Less than 23%!
To think, I could build my life up, build my financial status up all for some woman to just come and take half of that away at any time. Doesn't sound very logical. Sounds like a very dangerous risk and I'm too busy living in fantasy land, trying to deny reality.
Nah, it's not that bad. Women aren't like that! The statistics have to be wrong or misinterpreted some way!
Nope. I'm sorry to say. That's the reality of it. So why don't you just get this over with and kill yourself? You will NEVER get anything you ever actually wanted in this life, there is nothing left here for you.
No woman is ever going to love you the way you want. No woman is ever going to stay with you for that long. Nothing is ever going to be as you had hoped it would be. There is no point in having hope. So get it over with.
Life has gotten dull, you know it has. So what are you waiting for? Just do it. Stop this pain, the sooner the better.
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