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I am lost. There was one motivation for me in this life and it was to marry this man. You know what's crazy? We never dated, we've "talked" but nothing more than that. We were friends in the beginning and the fact that we tried to become more than that it shattered because communication was always messy. We see each other once and a while and though it is always the best time talking to him it never lasts. were not talking right now and this stage always sucks. It sucks because I want him to tell me he misses me, I want him to confess his love that I KNOW he's been holding back. When he was the one who told me he loved me first I almost coughed up a lung. This boy has never said that to any girl besides his mom and ex girlfriend. But this bond we shared was something I couldn't/cant explain. People always say if they wanted to they would, but I want to and I just cant. I never told him I wanted to be with him more than friends, we both never tried to further anything we just let it fizzle out because we are both so used to that type of thing.
But now I am put in a situation where my life is changing and I cant hold onto him anymore. I just graduated college and I want to become the most successful woman out there. Sharing love and wisdom to others who want to listen with open arms and ears. I don't want to be stuck in this little hometown anymore, I don't want to hold on to something that will most likely never happen. It breaks my heart everyday, but I have to let go. It doesn't matter that he was the first person I gave my body to, it doesn't matter that he was the first man I said "I love you" to, and the bond we had just doesn't hold up anymore. I wanted more, he didn't. I have to see it as that. No more fantasies, no more fake scenarios made up before going to bed, no more lies. I want my life to be full of love and peace. Holding onto something like that only hurt and caused damage. It's time to move on, I am ready for change, I am ready to let go.
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