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December 16 2019. I wish we hadn't kissed. I wish I had never met you or developed feelings for you. For fuck's sake, we were only 8th graders. I never should've let you touch me or look at me. I never should've kissed him after we broke up either. I shouldn't have let myself become a fucking slut. What was it all for? Validation?? Just to say I kissed a boy? I shouldn't have "fallen in love" with either of you. Right now, I should be a 15 year old girl who thinks about the idea of love every now and then, wondering what my first kiss will be like. I shouldn't be a 15 year old girl feeling like a dirty slut every time love is mentioned. I wanna take it all back. All the kisses I gave you and all the "I love you"s. I want to take it all back. It's too late to take back my first kiss. I can't take back my first 30+ kisses. I hate myself. They're right, I'm just a whore.
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Don't be so hard on yourself. You don't have to feel bad for having kissed people. Plenty of people have had their first kiss by your age. I think that as you get older, you might realize that a kiss is a relatively innocent thing and you haven't actually done anything terrible.
Replydon't beat yourself up. the past is in the past.
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