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I've written on here many times over the past few months, trying to express my feelings in an ongoing battle with unrequited love. I want to write about how praying has been helping me to help myself better understand what I'm doing and also in case my experiences can help anybody else.
Limerence is a sort of romantic obsession with another person, like a crush that consumes all your thoughts in a way that blinds you from reality and your other needs. (Look this up if it sounds like something you've gone through.) Uncertainty and hope are central features of limerence that keep it going. In my case, I was waiting on a text message that could someday, but probably never would, arrive. The context is not necessary to explain so just believe me that there was nothing I could do but wait lol.
I felt so helpless and hopeless. I wanted so badly to hear from this person and it felt like my whole life hinged on it. I knew it would probably never happen, but I kept obsessing. The worst part was that it was completely out of my power. And yet I felt so guilty and angry that I couldn't do anything, and kept searching desperately for unforeseen solutions.
I became so desperate that I started praying to God for help. I'm not very religious and had only prayed a few times before in my life. I had to look up how to pray and I read that you should ask God for exactly what you want and, though He rarely delivers exactly what you ask for, you will always get exactly what you need.
So, not certain that it would help me or if I believed in God, I started praying for long periods of time every day that this person would contact me, with tears in my eyes, telling God why it was so important. I also thanked God for everything I do have and asked for forgiveness for things I had done wrong. I was hoping for just one miracle. Though the miracle didn't come and probably never will, I started to tell myself, "It's in God's hands now and everything will go exactly as it should." I no longer felt so helpless.
Over the past month I've really started to believe in God more, maybe just because the thought nobody's at the wheel of the universe is too bleak for me right now. Perhaps it's just coincidental, but I think that accepting that my problem is in God's hands has allowed me to see it with more clarity. I still let God know that I want this person to care about me like I care about them, but I mostly pray that I continue to get better and that I continue to see things clearly.
Praying hasn't actually got me a miracle (as I had originally hoped it might), but it has made me feel better about the whole situation. I don't think praying actually gets you anything. So I won't use prayer to replace hard work or being a good person or anything that is within my control. But sometimes, when there's nothing left to do but pray, praying is probably a good idea.
Even if you don't believe in God, I think you can agree that sometimes whatever happens just happens. Things such as love and death are so important and so often completely beyond our power as humans. Accepting that it's out of your control might make it easier to cope with.
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i think this is really awesome. thank you for sharing. it's very comforting that this is a shared experience (even though it can feel sucky sometimes). again, this is really awesome :)
ReplyI'm glad you like it
ReplyGod answers my prayers. Get to know God by reading The Bible or do a Bible study with someone who understands The Bible, then build a relationship with God. After that Jesus will bring The Holy Spirit to you with his gifts and fruits and comfort. This doesn't happen over night as it takes a while for you to prove to God that you really want Him in your life. Also learn about the miracles and parables that Jesus gave when He was on earth, and that He died on the cross for your sins so that you can enter heaven.
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