What are you looking for?
9 months ago · · Crush,
I want to have a crush on someone new. I want to fall so madly in love with someone that I forget about you entirely. I want them to be so much better than you that I can't even imagine how I ever thought you were perfect. I want to fall deep into love with them and I don't care how bad it turns out. I just want the feelings I have for you to end.
I don't want to stay up at night thinking about you. Any tiny thought of you sets my heart racing for the rest of the day and I can't relax. I writhe with discomfort as my head fills with unwanted fantasies about winning your heart. In each rare moment of peace I am haunted by every tiny mistake I made and wondering which one is the one that did it.
I try so hard to let go of you and move on and I'm almost there but I'm so scared of what lies ahead. I don't know where I'm going next. I can't think of one thing that I want in life. It's just you. That's the only thing I know for sure. I like you. I want to see you. I want to hear you. It makes me happy. It makes me so, so happy.
I want to find someone else who can make me feel that way and I'm so scared I never will. I'm scared it's just a you thing. Now I'm trying to be poetic here and think of the next thing to say but I'm just so fed up feeling this way. I'm just a mess. I'm just falling apart and not letting it show but I'm a mess. I've never been through this before. I don't know what to do. I don't want to do anything. I don't want any outcome. I don't know. What is the word for how I feel right now? Words are never enough no matter what I write. I'm so confused and clueless. Every option I have is a mistake. I'm so afraid to move on but even more afraid to try and speak to you again. I'm lost. So lost. Nobody has the advice that I need. I thought I knew but I don't. I'm so confused.