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we met over a year ago, not in person but over the phone. we were on and off for four months. you didnt wanna commit. not to a relationship. not to me especially. i would make myself look stupid just so i can get a sliver of your attention. you didnt want me for myself. you wanted me to fix yourself. you wanted to use me to put the pain onto. you werent okay. i offered to help not knowing the consequences but that was the last of my worries.in the beginning i didnt understand. how could people never meet and say they love each other. love is filled with joy and happiness and commitment. but not with us. our form of love is much different. its the fights and the emotional and abusive attachment we have to each other. you broke my heart over and over again but i still remained by your side. i let another girl have you in the one way i couldnt and i still loved you. i watched you fall out of love. i watched you fall into love with someone else. i watched you give up on us, i watched you give up on me. after the blocking and unadding somehow we always found our way back to each other. is this really love. is this what is supposed to happen. am i supposed to feel helpless when you dont text me. am i supposed to cry myself to sleep because you dont want to learn how to love me right. we were good the time you decided you wantde me after 6 months of me fighting the urge to stop letting you emotionally drain me. those three months i felt on top of the world. i felt so good about us. then one day you couldnt do it anymore. your words hurt me. they drain me of the person i really am. thinking of you made me feel sick. made me feel like i could never love anyone. there were moments where you made me feel like the only girl in the world and then there were moments you made me feel just like every other girl. but i love you. and i will continue to love you. and i hate it. i hate myself for it. cause how can you love someone who left you like you never existed.
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