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I left my religon a year and a half ago. It was relieving for me to feel my freedom. A weight on my chest was lifted. Although, I lost all but one friend. I grew up in the church and never really made friends oustide of it. I had trouble connecting with people outside of church due to my social anxiety. It was lonely for a while. My parents had a hard time believing that I left the church for good. At that point in time i felt the loneliest I have ever been. I didn't think that my family would ever love me again. Over time they came to their senses. I got a boyfriend at the time, everybody thought I left the church because of him. Although, they didnt know that i was thinking of leaving ever since i got into college. The one person I thought would support me was my older sister. She had a similar situation. She was not part of the church at that time and understood what it felt like to be different from everybody else in the family. Monthes later, she goes back to the church which i was suprised by. She messages me to see if we could hang out and I was excited about that. Although, hours after the text I was exhausted by work and I had to go in the next day. So I asked her for a rain check which she was fine with, at least I thought. I took a nap and my cousin (roommate) knocked on my door saying my sister was here. I was confused so I went to greet her at the door. She seemed upset. She asked me questions on how I was doing and etc... She tried to hide her anger through her fake smile. She proceeds to verbally abuse me, acusing me of not loving my family. That I was making a big mistake leaving the church and having my boyfriend live with me. She thought that I was hiding something big, which I was not. She asks me questions like "Are you pregnant", "Are you doing drugs", she questioned that if i was pregnant that i could not get an abortion or she would do something. I told her to leave (at this time i was crying and was having a panic attack) and she did not listen. She wanted to go inside the apartment but I refused. I told her I was fine but she did not believe me. She left. I end up going to my room crying and my cousin came into comfort me since she heard everything from the kitchen.I texted my sister a few days later saying that we should have a conversation about what happened. saying it was out of line. She thought I was crazy for saying that. She said that i turned my back against my family which was not true. It was so sad to see her say that. 3 monthes later she verbally attacked my cousins family for their political beliefs during the election. I got very upseet about that. I posted something about the president and his victory (innocent) and she was furious. She verbally attacked me in messages. I told her that she has no family vaules for treating us this way and she even got more upset. She kept rearranging my words to attack me.I decided at that moment I did not need her in my life till i can feel like i can talk to her again. During that time I struggled mentally and I ended up in a psych ward for a few days. I did not want her to come on my birthday or see her at christmas cause i would have a panic attack. Come around Feb 2021 i decided i was ready to talk to her. It did not end well. I told her that her coming to my apartment was traumitzing and she belittled me saying that my trauma was not valid and that I dont know what trauma is. That was the hardest thing to hear. I felt like the world was going to end. I had to leave the conversation because I was having another panic attack. I could not go through with it anymore. I never wanted to see her again. Eventually I told her that I cant change her mind,opinions, vaules. I can only stand up for myself. I would only see her at holidays/birthdays only because of my mom who wants her three daughters to be together. Never let anyone take you down.
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