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The problem with extreme isolation
2 years ago · 1
166
Sometimes my neighbor is visible, 100 yards away or so. We used to wave, but we don’t really bother anymore. Aside from that I’ve had no real world contact with a human for about 2 months, since my last trip to get groceries and supplies. I’ve never met anyone (online or irl) who is this isolated. If you are I’d like to hear about it because isolation itself puts me in an isolated demographic. That is, I can’t even talk to anyone about this because no one gets it.
On to the point. The problem with this sort of life isn’t loneliness. From what I understand, you can be living in a city of millions and still be suicidally lonely. The problem with isolation is that there are no guidelines on how to live. Of course there are the practical basics like: food, shelter and money. But other than that, there’s nothing keeping you “in line”. Life becomes like a video game where it doesn’t matter what you do because no one cares if you win or lose or shoot the bad guy or shoot yourself.
Even online interactions, like here, are meaningless because none of you will ever know who I am, nor I you. We’re just words on a screen which could be auto generated by some AI conversation program for all I know. It’s a cliché but: nothing matters.
So on a night like tonight when I feel like hanging myself, yet again, I realize there is no one and nothing stopping me. This is just a stupid little video game that I’m tired of playing. If I kill myself, it won’t be sad, it won’t be tragic, it won’t be cowardly or heroic. It’ll just be something to try. Since nothing matters.
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I am sure you have some hobbies that you enjoy. Your life is beautiful. It’s not defined by how many people are in your contact. And I’m sure there’s some people out there wanting to be your friends.
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