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how it's always been
2 days ago · · sad,
I’m never the one people choose. In a line-up, if everyone in my life had to choose i would not be the one picked from the masses. That is how it has always been. I am simply someone they will be around if they must, or they have no one better to fill their time with. I am the afterthought, the “I might be able to”. I am not the priority, I am not the 'drop everything and be with you, and I am definitely not the “i choose you”. And that is how it has always been. I fantasize about it. Someone looking at all the people in their life and seeing in me what they see in no other. They find warmth and comfort and utter joy in my presence, so much so they wouldn’t need so much as a breath to pick me. To grab me and spew all their love for me, to tell me they cannot imagine life without me. They find bliss in the time we spend together when they need to decide on a person to spend their time with. I am an instant thought. but i am not. I am the one who people make excuses to get out of plans with or reasons they cannot be around me. I am the one people forget about. I am a chore. I am never the one someone looks at in a line-up and says “I choose you”
And that is how it has always been.