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Tomorrow is my 25th birthday but all I can think about is one of the assholes who molested me as a preadolescent getting married. Is he happy? He doesn't deserve to be happy and it's haunting me. It's not like I never said anything either, I told my family at the time and nobody did anything and we never talked about it again. And now my mom is saying i never told her and I know I did. I remember she said he tried to kiss her too like it was somehow kind of the same thing. But she was 45 and I was 12, maybe 11? It was not the same thing. And now I know it's not and that they failed to protect me and that's ok, because I can do that myself now. And I've forgiven them too, because I know they love me very much and if they could have done better I know they would have. But I've made it by myself, I've survived, I've forgiven and I'm trying so hard so maybe just give me some fucking credit for it? It's all I'm asking, an apology and a pat on the back instead of just plain denial. So we can all move on. All I want is to move on and for him to die as soon as possible. But I don't wanna waste my birthday wish on him so I'll just pray for it now and then. At least I'm not the asshole though. And at least I'm not a burden to anyone. I just wish I could do something to make this right because it all feels so wrong. I'm thinking about that poor girl he's marrying, 30 years his junior, naive and sweet and almost in awe of him and I can't help but thinking she wouldn't be in this position if things had gone differently. But nobody cares what I have to say, so many years have passed.
Except for me, I care. At least I like to believe I will do the right thing if there ever comes a time where my kids are in danger. So I guess it was good for something right? It's all that matters, honestly
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