What are you looking for?
Featured Topics
Select a topic to start reading.
If you are in crisis and need immediate help, please call 1-800-273-8255 (NSPL) or text HOME to 741741 (Crisis Text Line). More resources.
I'm so sorry for what I've done to us. I've beaten us up. I've insulted you. I've scratched and hit and bitten and cut at your body. I'm sorry. I cut off your hair. I fucked up our education. I started caring about what everyone else thought. I've nearly stabbed you in the eye. I've nearly lunged you at other people.
We've been through psychosis and nobody else knows except for the professionals. I keep comparing you to those that don't have these issues. I can't talk about these things and I overwork you as a result. Teachers grow disappointed in you for the absences I've made you take. Teachers call you unreliable.
You have left and come back, but nobody you used to see in the halls remembers you or cares. The people you have grown up with went on without you. You come back to everyone looking different and having different voices and attitudes.
You might not graduate. I'm too unproductive and lazy to hurry up. You're behind on two years of school. I did this to you. I've stripped you of your innocence and you're not the person you once were. You feel aged and jaded but you know you're still young. It makes you invalidate your own feelings. You can't go back to how things were before.
You've grown up to watch porn, eat shit, and not exercise. You've lost your faith and what was once only anxiety has become even more issues. You are now conventionally unattractive and have been in disability programs. You're no longer a pretty honors student and everyone knows you're a f*g and a burnout who failed every class for the past two years. You're shit at singing and instruments and you're no longer pursuing art. The thing you want to go to college for you have no experience with as you've wasted away two years of your life on trying not to see and hear shit that isn't there. You can't drive.
I'm so sorry my past self. I love you. Please keep living. I don't know what will become of us but I hope to feel young and pure and innocent again.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
More Posts
-
Things got a little weird
I never had a lot of friends. I have always had autistic traits but no formal diagnosis. When I was a small child, I craved the companionship of other kids. I w...
-
I wish my boss and collegeaus knew
I wish my boss and collegeaus knew that I'm suffering from depression. I wish they knew how hard is for me to focus on my task in work while even the simplest r...
Hey I know psychosis isnt fun. I been through it. Ive been diagnosed with schizoaffective type bipolar. So I have both sides of the spectrum. Yeah ya know you sound a lot like me. I eat cheap and unhealthy, smoke a lot of cigarettes and try to commit suicide quite a bit. Im on medication. My tricyclic anti depressant doesn't work. And SSRI makes me hallucinate. This all started getting bad in High school. I got super depressed and went to a online school. Got a diploma but missed out on a lot. It was easy to just cheat.fell into a serious depression and started writing music which wasnt very good at all. But I impressed myself. Got super bummed out when a girl broke up with me and it's just been steady downhill fron there. When you love someone for everything they are its kinda hard. Everything just has spiraled out of control. But I go to work. I have a full time job. Got some money and I guess that's all that matters and whatever is going for me. But. I'm pretty much dying from smoking so much. Oh well.
ReplyThank you for your comment. We are very similar and it's good to know we're not alone in this, there's probably people just as similar to us. We'll both get through it somehow. Please keep on going for the people like us. Thank you again
ReplyHey sendi ng b ig h ugs
That's lot you have gone through my dear
And Wow! I am proud of you for being here still
That's already a very big thing
And you know
Laughs a bit , I don't know why but we have a lot in common I guess
Except for the pyschosis part
I was a honours student once as well
Then I had went into a whole doeression cause one of my teachers had molested me and well I couldn't take it much
I dropped from school and lazed for two years fighting depression
Well college same as well
Scrat ches hea d
But you know
It's not bad
It all had reached various lessons
Showed you faces of some people
The truth of some matters
Life's harsh it shows you all the bitter realities in various ways
And I guess ours was this way
But h ugs you
You are beautiful , you are lovely you are handsome
Don't care about what other people say
Most of the time we cannot capture our beautiful moments
We cannot see our smiles or the way the sun rays hits our hairs when we are walking down the street
You know when you are walking by a shop and you happen to pass by a boy who looks pretty
And you will be thinking hey that guy looks so cute
It's like that yeah most of the people think like that
Damn I wish I could ask that guy out ahhh!
In thier head thier dailogue is like this
So don't say you are not beautiful because you are
Yes and we can't go back to how things were before but let's face it
There cannot be a time machine invented or a sudden death and reborn in your past life
It cannot happen
So what we can do is
Try the best we can right now in the present for the future
And I can see you love yourself but you kind of hate your self as well
About college there are many courses on YouTube , Coursera etc..
I reccomend YouTube though since it teaches you more detailedly
Just search uo the course you want and study
And my favourite quote
Those who mind doesn't matter
And those who matter doesn't mind
So be who you are do and what you want
Currently it's tough but one day it will all be okay
So till then keep hoping
Don't let go
And have a great day aheadddd
I love you 🥺💖💓
ReplyThank you so much. You have no idea how much your comment means to me. It's so sweet and heartfelt that I just burst into tears.. I can't even explain it, but thank you so much ❤️
ReplyYou are welcome
💖☺️
I am so happy to hear that
🤍♥️
ReplyHey. I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. I hope you forgive yourself and you’re able to move on from this. I dont know anything about psychosis or it’s effects but I hope things get better for you. You are beautiful regardless. Your soul is beautiful. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to be loved. And I hope you get all that you deserve :)
ReplyTeachers grow disappointed in you for the absences I've made you take. Teachers call you unreliable
ReplyI'm so sorry 😭 I feel like that to *Hugs tightly*
Reply