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I cannot believe I'm writing this. One year ago I started going into therapy, because I was never happy, so devastated, unsatisfied and low. After, let's say half a year, I became so much stronger and aware of my feelings and mind. It even got to that point that I broke up with my toxic boyfriend and stopped believing him. But now, it's back. My mood and the feeling that this will never end. I cannot find the reason for happiness in myself and my life. There are also glimpses of not wanting to exist anymore. I'm devastated and I feel betrayed. Why is this haunting me again? Why I cannot get rid of it? I'm so tired of this.
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I am sorry you are feeling like this. Honestly I was in therapy for a long time and one of the main things it taught me was that healing does not go in a straight line, nor does it end when you leave therapy. You will be healing and learning new things for your whole life. Some lessons are harder than others, and when you are in times like you are now these are the harder lessons. I always thought people were talking crap when they used to tell me that it gets better, and I still believe that now. It does get better, but then it gets worse, and then better, and worse. Our lives are constantly in motion, always moving like the waves in the sea. Some days just hit you like a brick, and sometimes we have a string of those days and it feels like we have gone backwards, back to where we were before when things were awful and we couldnt see a way out. Thats the dark trying to pull you back in, just remember that you did it once, you found a way out once and you will find a way out again. Each time, even though you might not feel it, you get a little bit stronger. Hold on sweet, I promise you you are stronger than you are feeling right now.
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