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ok, so first of all im german so My Englisch will not be the best. Ok i kinda Stutter and kinda don't i don't know what is wrong if me like sometimes i can talk normal and sometimes i cant even say the first letter of a Word back then i was a kid i went to 3 Therepist that where Specialist in Stutter.. well none of them could help me or say wtf is wrong if me heck i don't even know myself if i rly stutter or not. My Doctor got sick and tired of it and kinda try't too not mention it also my Parents. When i was in School the Teachers acted like nothing was wrong with me. That i was just a little bit.. nervous. Had to give presentations ofc. I got informations that would give me a 1 ( is a A in usa ) well that happend ? I stood in front of the class Trembling in fear and not saying anything like the words did't even come out of my mouth like there was a Wall in my Throat. And how did it END ? got and E and one Time embarrassed myself in front of my crush. Nice right ? Back then i was still a Kid it dind't bother me cause i didn't listen to myself that much and thought that i perhaps had a chance with my Crusch LMAO these Dreams shattert then i got older and Started too listen more to myself and Noticed that i can't even have a Conversation. Don't get me Worng i never rly got Bullied or anything liked that and my Classmates and my Friends actully asked me if i wanna go out and do stuff. An this was the Point were it all went downhill i always sayed no or found and excues to not go, cause i thought i would just emberaase them or be a burden. I also never had Girlfriend or went on Date or had my First Kiss not because im That Ugly like i know i'm Ugly but not That Ugly, it's just im Scared having one. I sometimes have days where i fell better and Think ,, hey maybe you can have a girlfriend you know ? you can have Friends '' but everytime i think that, there is this Pitch Black Think. He lays is arm around my neck and shows me what will happend how i will eberass myself and the people im with. Im scared havaing a Girlfriend because i dont want to be a bruden to her. What if she Introduce me to her family ? and they say ,, oh you have chosen a good one '' sarcastic saying ,, why him'' and she would alwys have to defend ,,me'' i dont want that or then she Introduce me to her friends ? what will the do ? Will the make make fun of her because of me ? thats what sacres me i don't bother what other say about me or if the make fun of me. But having my ,,Girlfriend'' suffer because of me is something i hate too think about. Currently i rly have only 2 People in my Life my Mom and Dad. Thats it. Only them. It werent for them i would have ALT F4 of this shit along time ago there are the only people that keep me playing this game ( Life). I don't aks for Tipps or anything like that i just wanted to somehow express thes fellings. Aslong as i felt this this way i never talked to ANYONE about my Fellings so it feels rly good finally doint it.
So i want to ask a Final question ? knowing i will die Alone. Never have a Girlfriend ? and Never again Friends. Is such a life really worth it ?
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The right girl and the right friends will love you for everything you are, including your shudder. They will not have to defend you because they will bring out your other amazing qualities and have everyone look beyond you speech. But, they will have your back - always. The right girl be honored to introduce you to her family, because they will see how much you love her and vice-versa. Please remember you are not alone. Please always remember that. There are other people who feel the same and are dealing with the same, thinking they are not good enough. You are good enough and so are they. Maybe helping other people with their voice will help you with yours. Be strong and stay safe. If no one else, i believe in you!
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