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Dear Diary,
today had prob been the worst day I could remember off. I had made plans with my friends to go out and do some shopping after lockdown and everything was going smoothly till they didn't let me go the day before. I was so excited as I hadn't gone out for months as Melb had been in lockdown. My mum literally told me I couldn't go last min as in the night before at like 8 pm. I felt truly embarrassed telling my other friends that I wasn't able to come as I was the one who initiated the plans. They do this all the time and I never get to hang out with my friends. So the day arrived and I stayed home. The worst part was that I saw everyone's stories on social media and all I could see was everyone hanging out with their friends. The ppl I had made plans with went together without me doing the things that I was supposed to be involved with too. My parents always do this and I never usually ask them to hang out this was like the first time in 3-4 months. I'm not allowed to go to parties or hang out ever which has really affected my social life. As I grew up getting bullied for multiple reasons and I never really fit in with anyone. I just want to have a normal teenage life that everyone around me has. I was crying all day and I count even stop myself. Every single time I saw ppl handing out and having one it made me cry and I just couldn't stop. Not one single person in my family asked what's wrong, they just said stop acting and start making comments that would emotionally abuse me. So just a few mins ago my mum apparent asked me why I'm crying just as she makes fun of me saying I'm balding to my perfect younger sister. I explained telling them how I felt and how this was affecting me but all they did was get angry and say that I was just doing all this for no reason. My dad continued to swear at me and then even grabbed his shoe and continued to hit me multiple times on the head. then he stormed out of the house. Then my mum stayed back emotionally abusing me, saying things like that I will never be enough and that no one cares for me because I'm not like my cousins. I suffer from many undiagnosed mental illnesses and these things are making it much worse to keep a happy font up. I've had suicidal thoughts in the past but thing like these happen regularly which make me feel like I have no one.
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