A Relentless Discovery about Life

I think I was nine years old when I watched a television show which the details of its plot is already drowned somewhere in my subconscious. But what really struck and stuck with me was what the protagonist said, "Live life to the fullest". At that age, I had fragments of understanding about its meaning but it did not meant as much to me, I just liked how the words were put together and I have always strangely liked the word "life". As I grew a little older, I began to grasp on its meaning more relatively as my dreams began to extend a little closer to the realities of life. At 12, there were always questions in my classes on what were our ambitions, and so I have chosen a dream in which my ambition will certainly make a difference to the world. As redundant as it may sound, I genuinely wanted to make an impact to other people's lives and the planet. When I look back at it, I realized it was quite ambitious than most of my classmates' choices and much more impractical. But as a child, what does practical mean? I began to instill in my mind on aiming to pursue it and learn about the field I wanted to navigate. The word "purpose" was beginning to relate to my goals and not merely something to write about in my school essays. This particular dream had started to cultivate its value in my mind. I admit I did not have a clear and systematic proposition on ways to how I may achieve it. But all I knew was at that moment, I was absolutely certain about it. As I was heading halfway to start my college years, life began to force in me the heavy odds in my way to this dream. I realized it was not as simple as I have put it. I tried to push through with my ideas and optimism, but as life happens to you, it does to me. I began to think, if I would not be allowed to create a significant change and difference beyond myself, perhaps it would be easier if I should just keep my dreams as a personal gratification. So as they say, "we dream, we grow, then we dream again" and I did. As it should, the dream felt just as fulfilling to my individual experience, but expectedly, it was only momentary. I started to doubt my intentions until I realized how selfish and superficial it was. The idea of helping with what I have and what I can or living life to enrich my individual experience felt all senseless. No dream felt any better. All empty. It was not long until I questioned the point of existence, and to all there is in this universe. As I was walking in life with a cloud over my head, there are endless and constant reminders of just how much help I can lend to the world. I'm entirely clueless on why but I felt an extreme distrust on the actuality of people who honestly feel a strong sincerity in making a significant difference within this planet. I was still doubting my intentions, and decided I'd rather have nothing to do with it than do something that doesn't feel close to the truth I have held on at that moment. I was severely unimpressed and uninspired. I was in a phase of my life where I forgot the fulfillment of a life lived not just for oneself but for other people as well. I overlooked how I felt for it when I was much younger. But life being what it is in our human living, it reveals to us that behind all these clouds are bright discoveries that will commence through it. I've thought maybe life made me so selfish so I can remember how I used to care for something beyond myself. I have soon accepted that truly the universe is immensely wide, and a single creature cannot possibly figure out all the mysteries dwelling within it. A single person cannot have all the right answers to all questions and we just have to live with uncertainties. In a grand scale, I think I am insignificant, the world goes on without me. But it doesn't take away the fact that I remain to be able to breathe, move, talk, feel, and think. I still have a life to live. And now when I see other people who seem to be born to be of service to others, with a heart overflowing with drive and passion within themselves, I remember just how much there is that I can make out of this life and here I am with it. I have the will and the choice as long as I am alive.

And for now, I'm paving my way to a life lived to my perspective of full. And though we can never be absolute with our plans, that's totally okay. Everyday we are introduced to certain uncertainties and that's why we just can't figure it all out, and we don't have to either. Atleast we have got something to live for which truly matters to us. And so I'll carry on to a relentless discovery about life, as so will all of you, one way or another. May it be to all of us. Thank you.