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I don't really know how to start this. Long story short, i have what you could call a toxic relationship with my mom. I'm her youngest child (i have 5 brothers and 1 sister, all who are older than me by 10 years or +) so she's very protective of me. But not in a way that you would call cute or wholesome, more on the controlling and pushy side. My whole life, she's always had a say in my decisions, i fought her about this several times but it always ends up in the same way : her playing the victim and making me feel sorry for her. And so I try to make her happy and think "she'll grow out of it when I'm older". Now, I'm older (21) and I have an intership abroad in a few months. But bad news, she's against it. It's not even about me living alone because I have a friend in the same grade who's doing an internship in the same country so we'd be roomates.
She just doesn't want to part from me but it's what I want. I feel weak when I'm with her, like I'm dependant against my will because she's made me believe my entire life that I couldn't do anything without her. I want to break free of that, I'm not a child anymore and I want to think of this experience as something that has changed me for the better and made me experience the world of adults.
I've been trying to tell her to let me go with my friend for a month now but it always ends up in me crying because she doesn't understand me and makes me feel like I'm an ungrateful child. When I talked about it with her last week, she told me she shouldn't have birthed me and that her other daughter would have been enough for her. It was in public and I had to try to fight an anxiety attack. Needless to say, I'm dreading talking to her about this again after that time because it ruined my day and my week too.
I only have until the end of this week to try to convince her and I already know it's gonna be a long and horrible time for my mental health but I'll try.
I'm really only writing this because people online say writing your thoughts feels liberating and I do feel like a weight is off my chest :)
I don't mind advice if you guys have any thought !
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I'm sorry you're going through that, I can understand how complicated and irritating your guys's relationship might be. Even though I don't have much knowledge of what to do, I know how irrational and strange mothers can be. I hope you find the right words to say, and I wish your mother knew how you felt. I'm glad you were able to write what you're thinking on here. Good luck.
ReplyHey Lxu, thanks for your response still ! Even if you don't have any advice, feeling like someone took the time to read this and try to understand already makes me feel a lot better. I actually told her today that the way she's playing with my emotions is exhausting and I basically talked about my feelings. She didn't say sorry or anything (not really her thing) but she did listen and I can say it went ok. Thanks again.
ReplyDo you need money from her to go abroad? If you don't then just go anyway. She doesn't get to push you around. You're an adult so don't let her walk all over you. Her trying to make you think you need her 24/7 is disgusting and controlling. It only shows how much SHE needs YOU. And not in a nice way. In a clingy manipulative way. She's very toxic. Especially in telling you that her older daughter was all she needed. That's just to make you feel guilty and comply. Do you still live with her now? If I were you I'd run for the hills and move out ASAP. You don't need her and you don't need to let yourself be guilt tripped by her.
ReplyIt might sound twisted but I could never actually do that. I don't know why but even with everything, I still love her a lot. She's my only parent and I can't imagine live without her. I get how this may all sound weird but that's why I'm trying so hard to come to a compromise with her. Thanks for your response by the way, you basically expressed everything perfectly.
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