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There is someone who is innocent ,
But his personality reminds me of my past trauma ,
He is like an angel , his nature is sweet ,
If i spend more time with him , he would be able to heal my wounds ,
But i'm afraid , if i fall for him , i'll end up brokenhearted again ,
And broken up all again , into a hundred pieces , which cannot be collected again ,
I have started drifting away from him ,
But after almost a month he intiated to talk to me again ,
But conversations still feel empty ,
I ended the conversation abruptly and he didn't respond back like always ,
I guess i'll always be tangled in the complex web of feelings , relations , awkwardness and depressed emotions and there is no way out .
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Started the year off with my parents divorcing which I was fine with. I hate change, but they seemed like they were going to be happier apart, so it was best....
you are cheating yourself, you know. that person could have been great and you missed out on them. just because someone reminds you of something or someone does not mean they are the same person.
when i was young i used to have this mantra in my head "they are not the same. they are not the same." and i would say it over and over and over again. when i got old enough to understand what i was doing, i adopted that mantra so i could function normally. it would help me push through a panic. i don't know who taught me that though. i think i just did it? i never hid what happened to me from the people in my life. i couldn't. so there are some who expected me to struggle with relationships. i never did once that mantra got in my head. i am really proud of that about me. it's a weird thing to be proud about i guess, but it helped me through some rough spots. maybe it will help you?
but, don't use someone to heal yourself. if you depend on someone to heal you, then your healing won't be true. it also isn't fair to him. that's a lot of pressure to put on someone. most people can't handle that. they aren't equipped to. you heal yourself.
ReplyIt's true i am cheating on myself , i am not using him to heal myself , but all of this is phenomenal , the more time i spend with him, talk to him , i tend to forget the past more and more and focus on the present , i am afraid if i stay with him , i would fall for him , and i know he doesn't like me back , he just assumes me to be a good friend , that's why i want to keep a distance but i always fail to do so , whenever he approaches me i end up feeling good , he makes me feel special , and that's what i hate , because the consequences would not be in my favour , i don't know what to do , i feel so confused and tangled , i feel like just running away from everything , but this guy always motivates me and helps me to hang on to the positive side of life . I don't know whether i should distance myself from him or not , if i distance myself , maybe i would miss on a great person , and remain broken and if i don't distance myself from him maybe i would end up broken even more .
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