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I go to an all boys catholic school and today after class my best friend told me he's gay. A little bit of a shocker but I don't actually care. I mean I guess he's never striked me as the.... straightest person ever.. but I was still surprised. He was crying when he told me because he doesn't want anyone else to know but he thinks some people are "onto him". There's a group of guys who will yell homophobic remarks at him (etc.) but he says he doesn't know if they actually know he's gay or are just beings assholes. He also said that one of them pinned him against the lockers in the hallway and demanded that he admit to being gay and say who he has a crush on (I don't think he has one but I could be wrong. That would be even more complicated). He's very stressed out and before he told me I had noticed him being more reserved and not as lively as usual. What can I do..? Is there anything to do? He doesn't want to tell a teacher or counselor because he's scared of what those guys will do to him when they find out. Not to get mushy but I care about him and I can't imagine how awful he must feel all the time because of this. What do I do now?
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Just be there and support him. When you guys hang out, don’t treat him any differently. I’m sure you’ve already made it clear that you still accept him as a friend. I’m Catholic as well, and I never judge people for their gender/sexuality. I don’t think that is something Christians should do. I don’t have any advice for dealing with bullies—I’m sorry. But just be there for your buddy. If he mentions being upset about it in a religious context, I would advise reminding him that God loves everybody, no matter what. It’s a complicated matter with the church and stuff, I know. At the end of the day, we all just have to do our best, and be kind and loving to one another. You are a good friend!!
ReplyWell if it’s too dangerous to report the best you can do is try to comfort him. Keep in mind he’s not out to many many people and it can honestly feel like the world is caving in on you when people are figuring such a big thing out. Try reminding him that they won’t ever actually know unless he says he is, he is valid in any choices he makes on that matter. Make sure to stick around him more often and keep an eye out for those guys who are giving him a hard time. Just showing your support as a friend will make him thankful :)
ReplyTell him to contact his parents and tell them what is going on and why he can't go to a counselor or teacher and ask them to take him away from this school. Or if he has the money leave and make his way home. I was in a Catholic boarding school for girls and the ones that didn't like it there deliberately did something to get themselves expelled. I made sure I failed the end of the year exam so my parents took me out. There are ways.
Replyplease hold your friend close and give him the support and care he, as any other human, deserves. if you see him being hurt, defend him. although that may be hard because you won't always be together, and you don't need to, everyone needs to learn to be their own person, —but hold him close still. i was born and raised in catholicism, and i graduated from a catholic school after spending 15 years of my life in it. people can be so mean, and this religion we're born into is not all that friendly towards those of us who are not straight or cisgender, so please remind him he's not alone and be a friend. it already shows how much you care about him from your concern.
Replyyou being there for your friend to accept him as he is and comfort him is enough. and I want you to know that you are a really good friend for sticking with him even when he was vulnerable with you
ReplyHi - I am touched by the way you tell what is happening. This is my first post, comment, whatever they call it on this website.
I understand you post things and if we feel we can be supportive, we may respond.
I want to be supportive, but everyone is different. I don't know you and I can't see other things you've written. So, I don't know how much help I can be.
Your friend obviously trusts you and you really like him and are concerned about how to help him. Good basis for a friendship.
Friends talk.
Just talk.
He needs someone to talk with. Now, he thinks that is you. Just tell him how you feel. How you want to help, but don't know how. Maybe your openness will help him be more open with you.
As for bullying in the hallway, I think there are professionals, maybe someone anonymous or some articles that can suggest things to do. I don't know. But, maybe a search engine or Hotline might help.
And, while you are being open with him, be open about your own feelings. Maybe comment on having known him a while and he didn't say anything before. Did something happen that made him think he now may be gay?
In short, just be a friend. Be you.
Oh, and one more thought. Sometimes people find answers within themselves. To me, I think that's what prayer is for. To clear everything away and give what's important a chance to rise. Maybe he could use some time to not talk but to reflect and, if he wants, pray.
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