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I don't think I can physically do it. Oh God it's making me so anxious and scared. I can't do it I just can't. I was supposed to see my therapist last Monday and I had so much to talk about but she couldn't make it... my next appt. is this upcoming Thursday, I can barely hold on that long.
At this point I'm just living therapy appointment to therapy appointment. It's how I split up time I guess, I am always calculating when the next one will be. I don't wanna die but if things don't change I don't think I'll make it past 2022. Oh god I wanna have a whole meltdown right now but we have visitors and all my family is inside and I don't wanna be a bother, I'm definentally gonna cry when I go to sleep. I wish I wasn't such a pain, I'm constantly embarrassing myself.
How do I fake being sick? Is that an option? I think everyone is gonna laugh at me, it feels like everyone is staring and talking about me behind my back and laughing all the time when I'm at school. I can't take it I just want online school back!
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Hey there - I'm sorry you feel this way. But I promise you're not a pain, or a bother, or an embarrassment. Your mental health and emotions are ALWAYS valid. Don't ever feel bad or blame yourself for it. I know it's hard to believe during your lowest points but people do care about you, like me, although I don't know you - but in this world people do want to help you and listen to you. If you need to take a mental health break, do what you feel is best for you. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that, and I think it is actually a very brave and good choice to do so. And, I also promise you that people are not laughing at you or thinking of you negatively. I know a lot of thoughts and emotions may be swirling within you right now - so take the time you need to sort out your thoughts and take a moment to relax those emotions. You got this - I, this stranger in this internet, believe in you. And tell this to your therapist if you haven't yet, about your concerns over each session. <3
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