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Usually I feel physically sick and emotionally drained. Last two days, my body felt okay, but today my mind slipped. I have been sad. since My body does not agree with me, I will take the opportunity and do something nice. Like take a shower and actually be clean. I wonder what it is like to take a walk outside. I do not feel like changing clothes. Am I the only person in the world who wants to fast forward and slow down time at the same time? slow down so that I can heal. Fast forward so can I die soon. I feel helpless and I have been punished for crimes I did not commit. I feel like I will not live a long life but at the same time I will die soon enough. I feel like I will in a time when no one will sorry for me cause I am not young but no one can I had a fulfilling life. I feel like when I will when I will die I will be nothing but a big question mark. 7 days after I die there will be a flower growing out of my grave. I do not know why I feel this way. I just do. The way I feel about it, it feels like it will be something important, witness to something great that lost forever. I hope in my death I will be something that I could not be while I am living. I do not know why I am crying. It is something I have always wanted. it is okay. Allah is the great avenger of all, I leave everything to Him. I am sure when he will punish those people who is responsible for my condition, I will sorry for him. I hope they mend their ways before that day comes. It will be soon, I do not why, I Know it will be soon. It will be nothing but their own wrong doing that will destroy no need to get third parties involved. They will burn from within. I do not why. Actually, it is because I have my faith. Karma. What goes around goes around. Just wait for it. I hope I live long enough to see it and understand it. Sometimes things are not so obvious. I hope it will be to me.
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