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Am I a bad daughter?
9 months ago · · Stress,
I lost my dad when I was 14yrs old, and my brother was 7 yrs old. My mom never looked for a job to support us financially, she just relied to my dad's mom for financial support.
Luckily, I got a scholarship so I was able to finish my studies. I graduated at 20 years old and she relied on me ever since.
I am now 28 years old. I don't have a family of my own, I don't have any savings, and I am still staying at the same house ever since I was a kid.
My dad's mom died last month. I was devasted. We were super close. Though we are miles apart, she always calls me and tells me she loves me everyday. She had cancer for years, she's also jobless, but she still sends money to my mom.
My mom also is sick. Partly, its also her fault why she's on her deathbed. She doesn't want it to be checked. She always tells us that she will get it check once she's feeling better. But when that time happens, something much worse already happended and the doctors are saying that if we brought her sooner it won't reach that stage. We decided to bring our mom in the province, were her are. They can also bring her to her check ups since they have a car and I dont have any. Now she's on her deathbed. They are bombarding me to travel 8hrs to see her. But every cell in my body doesn't want to. She's never a great mom to us. She wants us to take care of her financially until the day she dies. She told us that we, her children, owe our lives to her, since she gave birth to us. She relies heavily to other people for financially support. When she had a major operation last year, I was so stressed because her bill was a lot and I don't have that kind of money. I was crying because I don't know what to do. But she never shed a single tear, she's not worried, because she knows someone will help her. In all fairness, she's great friend. But she was never a great mother.
I know I have an anxiety and depression because of her. I don't feel any love, pity or guilt. I don't care if she dies, and I was not able to see her. I don't want to see her. I am not mad, I really just don't care stree.