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I think I want too much and it drives me insane. I demand so much of myself all of the time and it makes me disappointed when I can’t do it all. I think I just have a lot of dreams to fulfill and I try to love it all out. I haven’t been able to see anything all the way through since I’m still young, but I wonder if I truly know what I want when I get like this. Im an engineering student with side interests in fashion and writing. I’ve taken classes and dabbled in both. As far as engineering goes, I have robotic design, space, energy, and transport on the table. Part of me wants to be all these things, and another part says I physically can’t and asks why I feel like I have to do all these things. I think it might be monetary insecurity growing up, the fear of being stuck in a job I don’t like, and maybe a feeling like I have to prove it to myself that I can do these things regardless. My most common fantasies are of engineering, fashion design, writing, blogging, maybe even going back to school after I’m done with my engineering degree to study botany (did research on that previously). I feel desperate at times to give something up. I feel like I’m holding too much. I really deeply want something I know I’ll love until I die. I fear trying to do so much and pulling an Icarus, dooming myself by trying too much. I know I have underlying anxiety, but I can feel it creeping in, and I want to stop it before it ruins everything.
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I've thought about this too. There's so many options of things I can do & focus on, but I'm limited by time & energy. I want to do EVERYTHING I'm interested in, but I physically can't. I think part of the stress is trying to pick the best option. I always have to go over every single option as thoroughly as I can, and pick the absolute best one I can. But sometimes there isn't any "best" option, and choosing one thing almost always means giving up something else. So I'm trying to be at peace with the fact that by choosing something I have to be giving up other options. Which means I don't have to bite onto every single opportunity I have (i.e. more than I can chew). I wish I could do everything, but obviously I can't, so I have to be fine with just doing something.
ReplyYou don't have to do all of these things at once. You have your whole life to do these things so maybe you will do them. But for now you are better off to limit them to what you can comfortably do.
ReplySounds like your living in your head. Get out of your head and be present. Living in your head means playing out the result or outcome of a decision, when in reality nothing hasn't even happened yet. Make a choice and stick with it. If you have the luxury of changing it up, then do it.
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