My Unsent Letter

Hi Bubs,

These past few weeks have been a struggle I won’t lie, ever since I split with you I feel like life is so much worse, it’s funny cause the reason I split with you was to make your life and my life for the better. When I think about it at first I would’ve said that was pretty selfish of me, but as the days grow I want you more each day. Not just in the romantic way, but in the way where I want someone to project or lean on, which is way more selfish imo. I miss you being here, and I miss our moments a lot. I promised you that I would work on myself, I promised you that I would stop lying and be more honest with myself, I promised myself that I would come back to you being the best girlfriend for you. I have accomplished nothing. I’ve done nothing but sulk, be lazy, and find any excuse not to do anything. From school, to getting up in the morning, to canceling plans with friends. I’m a failure. I’m selfish, and I can’t come to terms with how terrible I really am. I’m the kind of person to not open up much about any personal issues. I’m to embarrassed to ask in fear on rejection or humiliation, writing this is the most open I’ve been in general. I want to solve problems by myself and want to be the strongest person I can be but I’m really not, I just pretend a lot and solve my issues by not confronting them at all hoping it’ll just figure itself out, but recently it’s caught up with me. I’m kind of a stubborn mess tbh. I want how things used to be but at the same time I don’t want to project my insecurities onto you. You’ve told me time and time again that you don’t care about it and that we’ll grow together but something stops me. Stops me from believing it’s true. I feel like your lying, maybe I’m lying to myself. I don’t know anymore. Ive thought about going away, I’ve thought about leaving it all behind, I don’t wanna deal with everyones problems anymore, I don’t want to deal with my problems more, I don’t wanna deal with bully in my head. I can’t stop it. I can’t do that, I can’t leave behind my family, I can leave behind the people that depend on me, I don’t wanna go away with that thought. But it would be nice if someone just lifted the weight off my shoulders. You do that for me. I miss you.