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This is going to be a long story, so if you're reading all of it, thank you! Take some popcorn and make yourself comfortable, because this will be getting wild...
So I work at a "big office company" since almost 2 years now.. 3 months ago we had new joiners that started to work in our office...
I somehow started to catch feelings for one of the new joiners (let's call him Joe)...
Joe and I have talked quite a bit since he arrived but it is difficult to get closer to him so I'm pretty sure the attraction is one sided.. we just talk sometimes over everyday stuff...
Joe gets along very well with a friend of mine (let's call him jay) that also works there.
The only one that knows that I like Joe, is Jay (he noticed it quite fast). Jay also told me that he talked to Joe and asked him for me if Joe had any girlfriend, and he told him he doesn't but is also not looking for one right now.. which made me feel so stupid because I was probably making it so obvious that I liked him...I'm now just trying to not get too attached to Joe and distance myself a little bit from him so the attraction goes away..
Well...Suddenly some days ago Jay ended things with his girlfriend (that also works with us and is also a good friend) and obviously it is making everything quite awkward between us, because we were always a little group of three friends that went everywhere together...
Now since some days Jay is suddenly getting really touchy and nice with me, at first I thought he is just like that but he also tries to go into deep conversations that normally he never really did before and always asks me if I'm fine or if something happened when I'm distant...I stopped talking to him a little bit lately because I don't want him to start to like me or create misunderstandings, I still like Joe and i'm just trying to sort my thoughts and feelings and I feel pressured with the thought that I may have given Jay some kind of hopes I didn't wanted to, because I basically see him as a big brother...
I just can't talk to no one about this because my sister has a crush on Jay since a long time now...so I don't necessarily want to talk with her about it and no one knows so far...I keep everything to myself but it is making me so frustrated because I think that I'm not even mentally stable enough to get into a relationship neither right now.. but these feelings for Joe are making me so weak..
My questions are...
- What can I do about Jay to make it clear that I only see him as a brother? Should I just treat him distant?
- could it be possible that Jay only said that Joe isn't interested so he can shoot his shot?
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What to do to be clear with Jay? Be as honest and up front as possible without being horribly blunt. Guys tend to need clarification. But also maybe he is only getting touchy with you because you're a friend and he doesn't feel "single" enough, or whatever you call it, to go out and shoot his shot with a girl he never met before. It's also possible that he's been getting touchy with you in a male pride effort to make his now ex jealous to try and get her back or get back at her.
Is it possible that Jay mislead you about Joe's status? Yes. But not only that. It's possible that you got the telephone game effect from not engaging with Joe yourself. Jay could have mislead you without even intending to do so, because he might not have really got a full response from Joe or maybe just misunderstood how he was speaking.
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