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Dammit. (December 15, 2021) Today just sucks, First, I got punched on the eye by my little sister & I just let her be, since she's younger while I'm more mature & rational. Then, My sister misunderstood my intentions again, when I was only borrowing the charger & accuse me of destroying her phone. I did not talk nor explain my side because I know I'm innocent and there's no need to continue fighting and cause more arguments. Until my father shouted my name very loudly & ordered me to fix it while pointing his fingers on me that I'm the one who destroyed it. That's when I can't take it. I know I'm very harsh at using words, but I did not intend to belittle nor shame them, however, when someone would hear it, it seems like I'm disrespecting my father & bullying my sister. My mom heard it, and that's the moment I returned to my room and control my anger. I even heard my mom, and she's not concerned anything about me and just change the topic. I hated my family. I also love them. I know that they always show their favoritism even if they don't notice it, but we the middle kids always sense it. My mom prefers my younger sister & my dad loves my older brother, leaving me all alone, and now they're asking "Why I'm always cooped up in my room?". Damn, I know that I'm not that attractive compared to my siblings, but I'm way more excellent than them in many ways. I always tried to catch my parents attention by my talents in school, art, singing, dancing, cooking, etc. And have been the only person in the family who won't budge even being bullied by calling me names like "fat" & "ugly". Well, normally my peers would just say that I look like a villainess, but not ugly, maybe like a moderately looking face. I would often just laugh at their "so called" jokes about me to just not ruin their fun atmosphere. It's just, I often feel tired at doing this all the time, that I'm always the one who needs to control my anger and suppress my feelings just for them. I also need attention, I just hope they're going to take me seriously.
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Actually you are a step ahead of others, your family and friends, in being insightful. You sense that protecting your reputation is not super important. While it is nice to be recognized and appreciated, you know it is not required for you to be OK.
You are here, alive, to learn stuff and to be helpful. You, and all of us, have almost no control over what happens next, except for the instances where no other people or factors are involved. Our power resides in how we respond to these occurrences.
You sense that this is true. When you fully accept it, life can more easily use you to bring more light and love into the world.
You are in a good place compared to so many others.
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