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I've been dating my boyfriend for less than a year. id say about 7 months. for the past year or so I've really been struggling with my gender identity. I was born female but I feel much better presenting as male and for people to use male pronouns on me. I've made this sorta clear to my boyfriend even before we've started dating. I've asked him and my other friend if maybe they could start using male pronouns on me but my boyfriend just straight up ignored it. Most of my closest friends use male pronouns on me but it's like he doesn't notice or he doesn't care. Sometimes I wonder if getting into a relationship at all was a mistake since he's straight and obviously sees me as a girl. I don't look like a girl at all. In fact, I pass as male extremely well. Everyone who sees me and didn't know me before believes I am a cis male. So I don't know how he sees me as a woman. I don't know what to do. I really really love him. But I'm really really scared of even bringing it up again. Should I continue being in a relationship with him? Should I just straight up tell him? What should I do?
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Try to explain him your feelings first
ReplyYou can bring it up to him again if you want to. But right now it sounds like he's choosing to ignore your feelings. If you made it clear in the very beginning of this relationship about your gender identity, and he chose to ignore that, then he's not in this relationship for you. He's in this relationship thinking you're someone else that you're not. He chooses to ignore a very important part of who you are as a person.
He might be aware of you pronouns and identity, but is internally conflicted because he's always seen himself as straight (this is just a guess). You can have a conversation with him about your identity, if he genuinely is ready to start accepting who you really are, even if it's a slow process, that's good. But you also are not obligated to wait, you deserve someone who's ready to accept every part of you. Ultimately it's up to you, it's your choice, but I would at least talk about it to him and go from there. Just don't settle for someone who won't accept you as you.
ReplyHi honey,
You have to tell him. you have to be honest with yourself.. these people are stopping you from being better and being happy.
If he understands and accepts it..then that’s a yay for you
If he disapproves or ignores you again, please please PLEASE leave.
I promise you, there are so many people who will accept you. Whether it’s people at school, work, communities, etc..
He already does not respect your pronouns and that’s a big red flag. One thing I tell people in these situations is to think “what if this happened to my son/daughter”
Don’t lose yourself pleasing someone.
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