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How do I tell about it to people who ask those sensitive parts over a text? I'm trying to clear this exam and it took away 2 years of mine and i feel dumb. This experience changed me a lot and I have people asking me about it. How do I tell I couldn't make it and now I'm in confusion about my future? This society is judgemental and many of my friends too. What do I do to stop affecting myself by their says on my situation? I've seen people being so rude to me and things like that, I'm scared to take any decision of my life now. Every now and then there are people who'll judge. Keeping it aside I'm working my best to make my dreams come true but nothing seems enough. What do I do now? How do I face society and those who are asking me? Obviously I'll tell them I couldn't make it, but what next? I have no answer about it now. All this era of my life gave me mental illnesses and I'm traumatized. I'm vulnerable all the time. It took months to collect myself and get in senses. This rough patch seems never ending now. People my age who couldn't clear it are ending their lives and here I'm still alive, it's more of a miracle. Being suicidal and then coming out of it, it was so difficult and it took so much mental strain on myself. All of this while I had no one to help me out and come out of this. I did all of this alone. There's no one with whom I've shared my mental condition. And I'm barely alive, underweight. My life is such a mess. How do I explain it to those who are asking? It seems so difficult to open up on it :(
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Hey there, good morning or afternoon or evening. I have been reading your texts and magically feel really connected with your story. I have been gone through a tough time myself the past three years, and because so much had happened, I am afraid of to make any decisions because none seems will fit. Myself is also a little suicidal and have been collecting ways to commit suicide for years, but never actually act on them once (which is a good thing). Even though my life is a mess I don't recommend you take your own life because somehow when you live pass it you will see yourself grow. 2019 I have lived to my downhill but looking back at that time, I feel different, stronger and tougher and knowing much more than I have imagined, but still not enough to make educated decision for myself right now. But my mom once said to me that "not making a decision is also making decision" So whatever is on your mind you just keep on with it, because as a psych major student, we always tend to pick the best decision for ourselves even though right now it doesn't seem so. Good luck to you and good luck to me too. Hope this will help.
ReplyThank you so much for your kind words. This honestly made me feel better. I have to be real to myself and everyone and tell them I'm not fine and going through a lot. I just hope they don't think of me as someone who cries and whines about the problems. As soon as people look at someone who failed to reach their goals, they have this presumption that they didn't work hard and didn't tried and were just lazy. I'm actually overthinking at this point maybe, trying to stay sane too. But I can't help it. It feels embarrassing and I feel bad that I feel embarrassing about it, instead I should focus on other important things I've learnt. But this feeling stays same. Thanks again! I feel lighter and heard. Have a nice day :)
ReplyYou are so much stronger than you give yourself credit for. Sometimes words only flow straight and true when we don't think so much about them. What you tell them and how much will happen only when your subconsciously ready. Something is stopping you from doing it now by making it harder than it has to be because by now the hard part is really already over. Think about what could be holding you back and then maybe it will come.
ReplyThanks for taking time and putting these kind words. I will let my subconscious get ready for it and think what's stopping me. I fear others reaction and my impression on them. It might change a lot after knowing my setback maybe. It's very hard and I really feel dumb but only I know how it's like to be simply alive after going through hell. These battles are invisible for others, hence hard to understand. Thanks again for being here and helping me to think what's stopping me. Have a nice day :)
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