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I feel I deserve nothing good. I should suffer at all times. I try to treat myself how I deserve. The final rinse of all my dishes is my own urine. I keep glass bowls in every room of my house and in my car, whenever I need to shit I simply squat down over a bowl then continue on with my day. I don't even bother with that much when I have to pee, I simply walk over to my chest freezer and piss all over the food I keep open and prepared in there for my next meal. I always make sure to have my next meal in the freezer, no matter what's best for its storage. If it's a salad too bad for me, it'll be all crispy and terrible. Not that it matters, it'll also be drenched in piss. If I'm too far or in the car/shopping I piss in my drink bottle instead. If I'm shopping and I need to poop I hold it just till I'm in the car then yank my pants down and sit on my bowl in the driver's seat to shit. My bowl goes in the back seat with all my groceries, sometimes it gets messy. If I'm allowing myself ice cream I leave the container open so when I pee in the freezer it'll get in there too. If I'm allowing myself cookies into the freezer they go. Everything I eat, almost certainly soaked in urine, goes in the microwave for 2 minutes unless it's an already frozen item like frozen lasagna then it goes for as long as it says. Usually I get the really big ones though so usually it gets soaked down, then cooked, then I eat my meal and stick the rest back in the freezer to get soaked again and be the next meal. Once it gets low, after four or so meals usually, I open something else to fill out the meal, dump it into the lasagna tray where there's usually leftover piss from previous meals, already soaking the new food, and continue using the lasagna tray as my toilet for the final meal. Don't think I'm eating from the tray though, in fact literally everything I eat I throw on the floor first. Lasagna trays get dumped completely out first and scooped back into the tray again when there are leftovers, over and over again each time because I eat from the floor. I dump all my food out, stand on it, then squat down and sit my ass in it. Since I just use a bowl to poop and don't wipe my foot frequently also tastes like poo. I roll around and smear my food all over me, I sweat a lot and don't allow myself to shower but I wipe my whole body down with my food so there's at least some cleaning going on. I mash my face into my food and chew with my mouth open and my head down so I frequently wind up re-chewing my food a few times over. I also don't swallow fully or between food swallows so there's always extra drool. While I'm eating I don't allow myself to hold my bladder at all since I've already got my genitals all over my food. Foods boiled, pasta and rice, I try to get as much spit and snot into, and before I turn on the stove I get the water in the pot and stand in it so my feet filth and sweat get in the water. I don't waste the piss, I do this standing at my chest freezer so any pee goes into the sauce I've already poured into a pot ready to cook that I've been peeing in ever since the last time I pulled the last meal out of the freezer and set up for this meal. When I have something like cake, which is extremely rare, it gets set in the freezer right along with the rest of whatever meal. Everything always gets really mixed by my body when I dump it on the ground, even desserts. When I get fast food it's usually burger and fries, after its requisite time in the freezer and two minutes in the microwave I dump it all out on the floor, squeeze lots of ketchup on since I never add more once I start, and sometimes I squeeze it so it sprays my butt instead. Then I go at it like normal, my whole body winds up all greasy. I do take a bath when needed, but not because I need to get clean, because I take soda water and juice and stuff and fill my bathtub with it. I've always farted in the tub, ever since I was really young. I also make sure to blow my nose and I don't swallow the whole time so I drool in it too. After I've thoroughly bathed for at least one whole hour but usually much longer I set up my tub to drain with a tap and refill all the soda bottles I've been saving up. It's many gallons so it takes awhile for me to drink it all. I add tea bags to the tub too but they gather at my butt and feet and genitals where the drain is. There's always more to drain out than I put in because of all the body fluids. I open every bottle, get in the tub, then squat down with my butt and genitals on my feet and pour each one over my head so it slides down my whole body. Some things, like salads and cold sandwiches, don't get microwaved but they do go in the freezer and get pissed all over and dumped on the floor to get smeared all over my body. I only use my "actual toilet" to empty my bowls and flush that down and nothing else, if I happen to have to poop in the bathroom I've got a bowl in there waiting near the toilet. My chest freezer microwave and such things are in the kitchen but I actually eat in the bathroom, in front of the toilet, where I belong. That only describes how I use my car bathroom and kitchen, the rest of the house follows. I wear clothes as infrequently as possible, I don't like the idea of my sweat and filth going into clothes when it should be going on my food three times a day every day. My couch is vinyl, I'm naked on it and my tv mostly plays disgusting porn where somebody I can audience insert into gets abused and humiliated. I don't have a dining room, but I work from home in a pointless pencil pushing job so I stand or kneel at my computer in what would be that room for a worthy person who got to eat at a table and not from the floor. My bedroom, I change my sheets every third or fourth time I bathe with my drink, and every single night I change which side's my head and which is my foot. I strip my bed that morning, stuff the fitted sheet flat sheet and pillowcase in a bucket, fill it with water and stomp around in it like grapes for wine, drain the water and repeat the process a few times before laying it all out in the places I'm most likely to walk the rest of the day right on the floor and let it all dry until that night when I put it right back on the bed. I don't wet the bed, the final pee before breakfast is usually huge and yellow. Breakfast usually has the most pee, since it's every drop of urine between the time I'm starting to prepare dinner to breakfast, unless I happen to pee during dinner as well but that's not usually that much in the grand scheme of things and usually every meal has about the same amount of during-eating pee. If I had any friends I'd insist they pee in my chest freezer as well. I wouldn't make them get naked but I'd still be naked. Nobody should ever mistake me for an equal, especially if they deign to allowing me to consider them a friend. If anybody did offer to date me I'd immediately sign my life over and let them treat me like the slave I should be. I can't imagine, especially after seeing how I live, how anybody could see me as anything better. Which is good, my life could only change for the worse with a partner and that's what I deserve. Twice the urine in my food at the very least, even if they don't want to get filthy by interacting with anything else. And if I had a partner, there would probably at least be my partner's friends coming around, so all that much more urine in my food. I deserve nothing better, and I'm betting there are others like me out there. If you feel you are somehow on the same level as me then you should start following these rules as well, at least as best you can manage.
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It's all piss and poop in your head.
Try to get over the drugs or alcohol if you consume. Your mind will work normally.
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