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I'm so confused that is hard for me to put my ideas into words.
I'm gay. I've been in a relationship with the same guy for more than a decade. I think a have serious trust issues. And the reason for that is what have happened during these years. He cheated on me several times. That happened before and AFTER I agreed to have a sort of open relationship -I say 'sort of' because the idea is to have encounters with other people but doing it together. The most recent cheating events that I'm certain of occurred in 2016. And last year, I discovered he added the guy who he cheated on me on his contacts list after exchanging nudes on Grindr. He had opened that social network to find a person to do a threesome, but he also texted that guy and added him. I checked his phone and apparently it didn't went further than that, but he shouldn't have done it anyway. Showing interest in that man again when he knew how hurtful had been to me was so disrespectful.
We usually spend a lot of time in the same place - I teach online and he doesn't need to work like a regular person because he comes from a wealthy family. And I feel anguish and anxiety when we're not together because I think he'll cheat on me if he has the chance -e.g. If a random guy or one of his clients is attractive and provokes him, I believe he won't deny the offer.
I've been in this relationship for so much time that I'm not sure whether I'm used to tolerating too many toxic attitudes or not, especially when I find myself saying 'he's not a bad guy' or 'he always has that smile on his face and the positive attitude I lack of'. Besides that, his interests are not always similar to mine. For example, I like learning languages, but he doesn't. I workout and try to eat healthy, but he doesn't enjoy it. He likes architecture and design, but I find it boring. We do have some things in common: we like traveling, we're both open-minded, we're not religious, we have similar taste in music and he shows empathy towards people with disabilites, which is a sensitive topic to me because my sister is disabled.
Probably going to a therapist would be a good idea, but I can't afford it now. So, I'll really appreciate your thoughts, ideas, useful links or whatever you can share with me.
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Sometimes we grow out of relationships. If you constantly have to worry about him cheating you, why would you want to live your life that way? I used to be in the same situation, only hetero. But it’s no different, the heartbreaks, whether you’re gay or straight. It still hurts like hell all the same. I think after living this way for so long, it would being you some peace of mind not to have to worry about that sort of thing, whether you’re with him or not. But if you stay, you’ll have to decide for very real that you just don’t care anymore. If you can do that. Is having him around worth the betrayal and pain caused? Or living a way of life you don’t want to? It seems to me these are some of the questions you should ask yourself before you make any decisions. Best of luck❤️
ReplyThank you for your words. You're right, I need to answer to myself those questions and decide how I want to live my life. To be honest, I don't find it easy, but I'll eventually know what to do.
ReplyHaving any kind of open relationship is hard I guess. He shouldnt be doing those things, but at the least I hope you find freedom from the anguish and anxiety that plagues you. Because whether or not you worry about it he will act a certain way, but you can only keep living your best life. Sounds like you are working hard on so many fronts! Sending you strength 🤗
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