My Unsent Letter (Lack of emotional and physically love.)

Before the Covid-19 pandemic and the rise of toxic social media and dating apps. I was doing okay finding a suitable partner. Learned my mistakes, flaws, and improve communication with myself and my dating partner. Now. In the present time, is hard to find a suitable partner or be at a minimal standard. Unfortunately, too many people are narcissists, lying about their profiled or hiding something, lying about not having children, extramarital affairs or relationships, and worst mental health.

Now. I not asking for a relationship or finding the perfect partner. It is more to keep myself busy or my opinions are limited as I get older. It is okay to be single in certain situations, or times that need to be alone. But, sometimes it gets boring. However, I am slowly going back to an unhealthy dark side of myself that is related to my former career and doing activities that I am not proud of. These unhealthy habits of my dark past are getting worst in my dreams and thoughts. I learned to forget about or keep myself busy or find ways to interpret my dreams.

The last time I had emotional love was 7 years ago to a person that I truly love. Then physical love was with a co-worker. That was four years ago. Because my former co-worker need physical contact before going to back her home country and I was closest to her and keep quiet about it.

Now. I don't know how long my dark side will consume me? Or staying single? However, those are other opinions that I can relive myself in case of emergencies. But, with the pandemic situation, high risk of exposure to other elements, high service fees, and risk of being caught. It finds to suitable place or takes the risk.

But for now, I hope this future person helps me to be loved again. Before I become a person that doesn't want to be.