The Can't Sleep Me

I am in the stage of my life where I often asked myself, " Am I in right tracks towards my goals?" Every morning I wake up thinking when can I go back to my bed again while in the evening I refused to sleep trying to count how many hours my sleep will be, convincing myself that it is good enough even though not at all.

When I was a kid I often associated sleep as a waste of time, really!, no kidding. I am always thinking why people sleep when they can do something else, back then I am energetic enough, do not get tired and manage to be productive for the next morning with 4 hours of sleep. But I do not go to sleep just because I do not want to, but over thinking haunts me. At night my imagination gets wild like, I though about things like what will I do to get this and that, I think about my future, my parents future, my siblings' future. How I badly want to be an employee already to help my parents. Sometimes I think about what can I be, 30 years from now, I even though of aliens, about how the world will end, I think about history, When I saw some video clip regarding something I tried to see as if I was the character in that video and what I am suppose to do in that situation. Bottom line is I Don't sleep until my eyes hurts and can bear the pain until my entire nervous system would sent all the signals to my brain that I need to sleep. And I admit it was tiring.

Do not get me wrong I am old enough to realized that I need to do something about it. I have watch videos on "Youtube" with a content of how get a better sleep or faster. At first I am doing it once or twice but after it I comes back. The same routine, again and again. As a result I really hate waking up in the morning. Instead of being thankful for a new morning , I was like maybe I can sleep on my lunch break later or on my tea break. I need to admit it is tiresome. And all through out the day I am unproductive. I am thinking that maybe I surround myself who could influence me to maintain a good sleeping habits.