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I'm a 23 years old male from Bangladesh. Currently studying at a public university.
I've always been the "gentle" boy of our family. My cousins are very nice people but they are a bit wild to say the least.
A small background about me for the reader to understand my situation.
I have a very privileged family background. My uncles and aunts are all extremely wealthy. Millionaires in Bangladesh. They own reputed businesses. Own fancy cars, nice homes etc.
My father isn't doing bad for himself either. He is a corporate executive. Makes enough to live an upper middle class life. But the problem is, my cousins are way too rich for me to compete. By competing I don't mean it in a toxic way. I mean to say that I can't afford to burn money like them.
From the age of 10 I had a dream of studying abroad. Till the age of 15 I was certain I'd be doing my undergraduation from a reputed foreign university. But I realized soon that my father couldn't afford to send me abroad to study. That's when my depression hit me for the first time. I was good academically, I did not have any negative attributes. The only barrier standing between me and my dream was wealth.
For 6 years I was on anti depressants. One major reason behind my depression was that I wasn't able to fulfill my dream because of financial constraints and furthermore I felt extremely bitter when I saw my cousins who had no interest in studying go abroad and get a foreign degree just because they could.
I never hated my cousins. But I felt bad that I couldn't do what they did.
Fast forward 2022, I'm now in a public university in Bangladesh. I'm not depressed anymore. I don't feel inferior anymore. But yes I do sometimes feel down. Like I am feeling a bit down right now while typing this.
Today an aunt called me saying her son has been a bit troublesome lately. It's his teenage hormones. So I consoled her and told her everything would be fine.
After my conversation with her something hit me. I began thinking, why am I the one all the relatives call for advice ?
I feel proud when they do. It makes me think that I'm mature for my age. But whenever there is a family gathering, I'm always the after thought.
I'm only remembered when they are in trouble and need help or advice.
I don't feel bad or angry about it. They are my aunts and uncles. They have the right to call me whenever they want. And any trouble has to knock my doors before entering their lives. I'll stand like a wall for them. And I will do it willingly. Because they are my family and I love them.
But the question is, what about me ? Who will stand in front me as a wall ? Who will console me when I'm down ? Who will give me positive affirmations ? Who be my crying shoulder ? Who will I call when I am in trouble ?
Thanks for reading. Any advice or even some psychological evaluation is welcome. I love talking to counselors/therapists.
If you see a comment that is unsupportive or unfriendly, please report it using the flag button.
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I think u did envy your cousins or maybe you thought you were more deserving and i think you lowkey started to dislike them. As you said everyone came to you for advice i think you are already a very mature u don't need someone to rely on ,but it could be loneliness you are suffering from because you wanted to get the same treatment you were giving to everyone. You are not troubled by your family matters but rather loneliness.i would suggest you to make friends. πβ₯
ReplyThank you so much for your response.
I don't know why I'm a bit unlucky when it comes to dating. I still hold conservative views in relationships. By conservative I don't mean "regressive." I mean I want one partner for life. I'm not good at the dating game. I can communicate well with people. I'm not introverted. I just find it tiring to talk unnecessarily with people. I don't become silent when I'm in front of people but I need atleast 5-6 sittings to really open up to someone.
In the present time where everything needs to be quick, my approach doesn't gel with the ladies. Hopefully someone is out there who can deal with my personality.
P.S I don't know why your comment got flagged. Your opinion was absolutely valid and I felt it was spot on.
ReplyThe flagged comment was the other one it got removed
Replyi think you need a special one, a gf π
u r 23 and u r mature enough. face the truth dude u need someone special who will be urs and who will stand by u.
ReplyYes I agree. You need a female character in your life. You can marry and settle down if you find relationship troublesome for you.
ReplyI want to suggest you the same as my above suggested you.
At this age if you havenβt have any friends, making new friends will not be a good option for you since they will be tend to settle down and be busy with their personal life and work.
You better find a partner. An woman can really change your life and ease all your loneliness.
Reply