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All I've done for the past 13 years is live in my past. I don't change anything in my life.
I keep everything in my room in the exact place it's been since I moved into that room.
Regardless if it's messy or gross. I will not move anything because I can't handle change. I won't get a new style of clothes I'll just buy more of the same thing I already wear. I won't go to another gas station let alone another pump at my gas station if I 100% don't have to. Nothing I do changes because I don't want it to change.
It all stems from a situation from when I was about 10. Something big changed in my life that I had no control over and since then I don't change anything I don't have to change.
This weekend has destroyed me in ways I didn't know one could feel.
My parents are divorcing. Giving up the house I grew up in. Moving into other places. Into places I don't know. Living a whole new life I wasn't prepared for.
I have no idea how to cope with that yet. I worry I never will.
Am I stuck? Am I willing to change how my entire world looks? Am I willing to make the changes needed to be there for my siblings? Or is this all too much?
How do I find my answers? And how long do I have before people give up on the damaged girl with daddy issues?
I want to change things, I really do, but I don't know how and I don't know how to find people who can help me. Maybe there aren't people to help me. Maybe I have to do this all alone.
This is the biggest change in my life and I don't know how to deal with that.
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Maybe you do not really have to fully change, rather adjust. Some things require having to be adjusted. it might seem weird, but you probably do it without realizing it. Take a step out of your comfort zone when you feel the time is right. Right now might seem hard finding people. I am in the same spot, maybe we just have to look at the right place for help, the right time. Find people with that sparkling energy you need. Growing up is hard. We will get there <3
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