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Whenever my parents ask if i had finished all my school activities, all i can say is yes, even though only less than half of them is actually done. And the school year is almost ending too. I cant even pass my tests. This has been going on ever since the start. I keep telling myself to get my life together but nothing happens. I just keep being a burden and a disappointment to them. Theres a chance that i might get sent to summer school or repeat a grade. Right now, I've actually given up, and just waiting for them to find out, and scold me again. Im ruining this family, and I can't take it anymore. I feel so guilty. The last time this happened my mom told me she would send me away to my uncle who is stricter. Ever since I heard that i started thinking of ways to run away, and maybe even kill myself. Every part of me is disgusting, not even my personality is good. I would open up to my parents if i could but i dont want to worry them either. My life is such a mess im surprised im still here. Suicide has been on my mind for more than a year. One thing stopping me is my grandma just passed and i dont think my parents would be able to take it financially. I have also wanted to tell my mom to go to the doctor and see if i get diagnosed for anything but im scared that what if there's nothing wrong with me and i just wasted time and money? I dont even know if this is a phase part of puberty but all i know is that i hate it.
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Can you not talk to your parents? Tell them that the pressure they put on you gets to you and makes you feel like this? You wouldn’t lie if you weren’t afraid of disappointing them so clearly you care. But if you are struggling it would be better for you and them that they know, unless they are totally unreasonable.
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