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Do you guys believe in being friends with exes?
There is this guy who is courting me, we're not together yet but we've made it clear that we'll make it official when the right time comes. I saw this morning that his ex tagged him in one of her selfie post on IG. This is not the first time she did this. She tagged him in a lot of her selfie pictures before we even met. I don't know what she's trying to do or what her intentions are. They have broken up twice, and the last time she attempted to get back with him, he refused. When I decided to ask him about it. He seems unaware of her actions. He even told me that "they haven't spoken in 2 weeks." That made me wonder how often they do speak because 2 weeks of not talking seems long for him. He said that he was just consoling her as a friend as her bf seems to be cheating on her. I don't know what that has something to do with him. I know for sure that she has other friends she can talk yo about it, and yet she's reaching out to her ex... writing this, I can't even call him mine. I mean, he isn't. I don't even have the right to be jealous or be angry. I feel so frustrated. I feel like I'm being fooled. I'm hurt and scared that he's lying to me. Am I wrong? Should I not be feeling this way? What should I do and how should I act? Please, I need advice.
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You're getting involved with someone who likes to entangle himself with more than one girl. You need more advice than that?
ReplyWelp like you said, he's not yours atm. So he's free to play the field (just like you are), and nobody can set any rules yet. It doesn't sound like he's too interested in her, but I think the problem is that *she* is clearly chasing after him. And even if you two become an item you can bet she'll still be chasing him and making things tense for you.
To answer your main question, yes it's possible to be just friends with exes. I've done it in almost every case, and I really mean just friends (and I'm a guy lol). But one thing that's common courtesy is when starting a new relationship you're supposed to chill on the ex contact. If he really cared about you he would be doing that. Or at least going out of his way to assure you that he has no interest, which he's only halfassed doing rn.
Soo it sounds like shaky ground. If I were you, I would proceed but don't expect anything much. Let *him* convince you that it'll be a solid relationship. But don't bank on it. Unless things change.
ReplyThank you for your insight. It helped me a lot to see things clearly. I'll make sure that I can handle myself. Have a great day.
ReplyI mean, in general I would say I have no problem with people being friends with exes. That, however, depends on the situation. If they truly are friends - i.e. if you know neither of them would ever make a move on the other and you trust your boyfriend to respond correctly if she ever tried anything - then it's okay. But what you wrote does not sound like they're just friends. Whether or not they're trying to be, I don't know. But it seems to me like whatever his intentions are, he needs to work through some stuff with his ex before he can be a good partner to you (by that I mean he needs to learn to fully let go of her in that way, which it doesn't sound like he has). So I would tell him that for now, you're not willing to make it official until you're certain that you would be his priority over her. Hope this helps...
ReplyI found out today that he and his ex talk to each other 3 times a week and for an hr or so... he had the chance to tell me but he didn't. He denied it when I asked him jokingly before. Does he even need to tell me? Maybe not but I'm hurt. I feel betrayed and played.
ReplyDitch that lame. There are plenty of better men out there than that guy.
Reply