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um hi I just wanna start off with, why do I give so much? For the past years of my life I always give every individual my all, a full 100% and more cuz I know everyone deserves the best no matter who they are you know. While I'm experiencing my teenage years, I realize that people in I interact with lowkey just want me because I'm of course a giver, a sincere giver. While I'm with them I feel as if there is a block between us. I know people would say stop overthinking but I can't help that. Once you do something that I would instantly notice, I would literally begin to overthink because I know no one wanna hear what I have to say. It's really suffocating to not speak to anyone because they would never understand how I feel. I know I'm a bit needy I like affection n I give it a lot to others especially to the ones I love. At times when I do I feel like I'm burdening them that they would have to deal with me I feel so horrible and again I'm probably overthinking it. Yeah I know but am I really. I have a wonderful friend group containing 6 people but its mainly 4 including me. we have been in this friend group for almost 5 years I should say. And I still feel a distance. My best friend who love dearest to my soul, she is the best gift I have ever gotten in life. I never knew I would need her in life she has done so much for me which I'm very thankful for. She helped me out of my tramas in life. ugh I love her so much but at times I feel like she neglects me at times. And yeah I know besties should have a talk about stuff like this but I feel like I shouldn't. Certain things she say to me are painful to hear but its taken as a Fk'n joke by everyone but I just laugh along with them cause it's a "joke". I recently realized for a couple weeks now since school has just reopened that she excludes me in things where our friend group does be in. Like group pictures in the bathroom, walking around the school n etc. While I'm right there they just announce thing like, "We're going ......... we'll be right back". I t hursts so much to see on they're status. I feel deeply neglected but should I feel that way though. I don't know what to to anymore. The pain of holding things inside for a long time. Am I boring? Am I too annoying? Am I not giving enough? Am I not enough? SIGH life is just too much at times I wish I could just run away cause I feel like I'm nothing in their lives. Is it too much to ask to be invited or be apart of something that you should be in? Is this toxic? I really don't know. I wish I could just bluntly say everything but I don't wanna be mean to anyone. I don't like hurting people cause the don't deserve that. I say to myself what would it be like to have someone just like me. sksksk I know it would be amazing but I guess that just is asking for too much. Overall, I think men and women are the same. Anyways this all I have to say for now for whoever read this thank you for your dedication of reading it but if you can would you leave a comment on what I should do. I would truly be grateful.
-Jae
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Know thyself. Treat understanding your true nature as a priority. All of us have almost no control over what happens next especially when it includes other people and circumstances. Give because you can and you want to with no expectations of being appreciated or even noticed. Our super powers reside in our ability to cope, learn, adjust, ignore, and forgive.
Everyone on their life's journey is exactly where they need to be and each of us is at a different place. Choose your own direction, pace, and interests. Others will travel with you for a while and as long as the benefits for doing so are mutual. When this stops being the case, go your separate ways.
You do a lot of thinking but you are not your thoughts. All of them come and go and most show up uninvited and return too often. You are the one who has thoughts. You are the one who can and should decide which thoughts are worthy of further consideration. Understanding this and learning to manage your marvelous thinking instrument will be most useful.
Know thyself.
Replyoh sweetie, i really relate to the first half od your message. so im not exactly sure how to give advice ! but know youre not alone and KNOW you dont have to change urself , you are most likely overthinking the "am i annoyibg " stuff, but even if you do annoy certain people... it doesnt matter! you are you and some ppl like you, some people dont. im sorry your friends are neglecting you, it hurts i know. im sorry ic cant give great advice but i sincerely hope you figure things out ! much much love, im rooting for you :) <3
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