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I feel as if I’m in a constant battle with my mind, and feelings. It’s been going on for a while now I’ve been deciding if I shouldn’t be friends with a particular person, although the bond we carry, would be forever gone. This person, makes me feel all types of emotions, exhausted, confused, and still till now, she misunderstands who I even am. I don’t see our friendship going anywhere, I see her not caring about the whole thing. I know it’s pretty darn horrible of me, but I told her today, I don’t want to be friends with her. But I’ve said that because of the spike of my emotions and I just let it out of my mouth, just like that. But I feel like this time, it isn’t a April fools joke, I really mean it. I look back to what she ever did for me, and I can’t see anything, despite me crying everytime I came home, so you imagine she means a lot to me, but I said those things because I’ve had enough of her, causing me so much emotions, I can’t even control. I don’t blame her, but everytime we discuss the issue all that matters is “it’s ok” and then it turns back to the way it was. I sometimes think if our friendship really matters or if she just doesn’t like to be alone.
I’ve been carrying this whole friendship since the start. I don’t mind. I’ve been the one to always worry of others thoughts, opinions, emotions, the true meaning, & the value of the other person. I think my mistake was putting her on a pedestal, from September till now may 11, I feel detached from her, anything to do with her, sometimes I don’t even look at her. I don’t know who she is, I know she changed, I can’t stop that. But for a reason I just don’t click with her as I used to, neither does she, since she has nothing to tell me, she doesn’t even talk to me. But that’s okay. I’ve always been the needy one I guess, the one who needs constant reassurance, to know if she really does care, she says she does, but never acts like it. For example she would say. “ I love you” or “your my number one always!” But then do something out of the blue, that shades what she says. It feels as if she just says those things to avoid whatever happens next, because it feels as though she never truly means it. I’ve been through her ups and downs, as if they were my own. I did everything I could to see her smile everytime I woke up and saw her. I don’t know what to do :( I love her as a friend, but she makes me feel the most horrible feelings, and I’m tired, the word done written all over, I just want to escape. I want to leave and find a new tunnel. But I fear what I might leave behind.
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ReplyIts best to move on even if it hurts, it'll do more good than go back to a toxic friendship with someone and continue to suffer.
ReplyYou are so back and forth about it. Pick a side and stick with it.
Replyyou clearly dont understand they're situation, did you even read what they said? damn
ReplyPart ways and keep it that way. You're doing your future self so many favours, and deep down you know how much better off you'll be - you are already taking the first steps by acknowledging her faults by writing this out. I know it'll hurt as i've been through this exact same situation and the memories is what make you stay, you've got this..
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