I wish

You ask me how I am and what I’m doing. Everything is great. I have a good job and I work with nice people. Behind my eyes and my smiling face though are the things I wish I could say. I want to tell you how I suffer flash backs that make me re live moments of those horrible times from nearly 10 years ago. I would like to tell you how I struggle sleeping because of the feelings of anxiety and nausea and the images of moments that are embedded. How I feel like crying every time I drive past that place. How I used to drive the long way to and from work in order to not even see that building. I want you to know how much of an impact it has had on me . How it’s stopped me from doing the things I truly loved . How much I don’t trust others, how I struggle to maintain relationships and to get close to people. I want you to know , just to be aware because you don’t see it. You think I forgot about it or just let it slide and I want to , I need to but I can’t do it.