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I have never been in love, nor received love and affection from anyone other than my parents, siblings, and friends. I thought that this love would be enough, and it was enough for a long time. I wasn't born with the need of having a partner immediately :). Plus, having the privilege to receive so much love is already a joy of life that I am grateful for.
Yet I want more. I want a partner, a boyfriend per se. I feel as if I have so much love pent up for so long that I want to gift it to someone special and receive the same thing. Am I being needy? Am I being delusional due to the absurd amount of rom-com I watch? I am 19 years old, so having a boyfriend is no longer a taboo topic, even for an Asian household.
Like a normal teenager, I had crushes, had love interests, and had my fragile heart broken because of a cute boy,... but never a real relationship. I openly chase love, looking for a nice guy. And I found one. Or at least I think so, for now. We met on Tinder, had one coffee together, and had a few promises for more upcoming dates. I am scared already. I want to ghost him, and find my way out of this interaction. Not because of him, he is such a nice and genuine guy whom I enjoy talking to so much. I am scared and nervous, but I don't know what I am scared of. I think that I am not ready, but if I stop hanging out with him, I would go on Tinder and look for dates again.
What is wrong with me?
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I can relate 😉 but thank god you are 19 not 29. I hope you fall in love soon. It feels great to fall in love even a heartbreak. Actually I too feel that I always love to fall in love again and again. I don't what is it. But it just feels good. I can understand why you want to ghost him. Because honestly you are not in love with him but you love the idea of being in love. Anyways if you don't feel like going for it don't continue. But my wishes are that you fall in love and you find your love ❤️
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