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I've known this guy my whole childhood. We still are close but, The things that he says to me when his friends are around are disrespectful.
Friday evening, I was at my best friend's house; we'll call him Jacob. We were watching tv and had ordered a couple of pizzas. He invited two of his friends over. The more, the merrier. I have no problem with that. It's just how he acts around them. He's an entirely different person. His friend complimented my afro, and he made a lewd remark, stating," how me having nice hair makes it easier for him to pull" I was embarrassed and completely shocked. His friends thought it was funny. I felt uncomfortable and made my way to the kitchen. I'm a little sensitive, so it upset me that he would say something like that. He followed me to the kitchen, and I told him what he said was distasteful and utterly disrespectful to me. He said that I was overreacting and that I should lighten up. It was just a joke. I didn't tell him how his demeanor changes every time they're around. I told him he shouldn't have said it. He apologized, and as our hangout continued, later on in the night, his friends were leaving, and he made another lewd remark about what would happen to me after they left. He then grabbed me, and at this point, I was fed up. Soon as his friends left, I pushed him away from me. I told him that I was going home and how I felt disrespected, and he said I was making a big deal out of nothing. He couldn't get the hint that I felt out of place. He's never made those remarks before tonight. He's never said things like that to me. We've always had a close relationship, but they have opened up a new personality that I wouldn't say I like since he's been hanging around those guys.
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Guys are different when with their friends. Don't worry about this. You should be one to one with him because you take his banter too seriously.
ReplyI don't think this kind of games are actually good or even healthy; if he's not respectfull towards her while his friends are around, the guys can start messing around with her in the same tone :/
ReplyI see your perspective, but at the same time, there's a difference between joking around and disrespect. It was embarrassing for me, and it made me feel out of place to hear him say something like that.
ReplyI have a boyfriend, and even tho I know he acts different when he's friends are around, he never make jokes like that when we hang out with them. Yes, he's being disrepectful no doubt in that. Try to find your way out of hanging with them (like going to another place by yourself or even call other friends to hang out while he's hanging out with his friends) not a bad thing if you don't feel comfortable around them. When you find the right words, talk to him alone and make yourself clear that he's crossing a line.
ReplyI'd slap the soul out of his body, sis. Those comments were completely uncalled for and tbh I wouldn't ever talk to him again. What you do is up to you ofc but he obviously doesn't respect you as a person. He thinks you're overreacting because he's ignorant. He thinks it's a joke because it wasn't said about him. He probably feels like he's just acting cool in front of his friends. People like this disgust me.
ReplyI honestly felt like it. At that moment, I felt like slapping some sense into him. He never acts that way until he gets around those two. He hasn't been friends with them that long for him to be treating me like that. I feel like they're a terrible influence on him. I just needed to maybe hear other people's perspectives. I didn't want it to seem like I was overreacting
ReplyI've decided to talk to Jacob, and hopefully, a situation like this won't happen again. I've read everyone's comments, and I feel the same way. If that behavior continues, his friends are more than likely to join in on the banter. I will keep everyone updated.
ReplyAn apology is a promise to do better. He broke that promise almost immediately.
You told him what his behaviour meant to you. He dismissed it as a joke, told you that your feelings about it were the problem. People often do this to turn their bullying behaviours into something more socially acceptable. It put pressure on you to accept what he did, and swallow your hurt feelings in order to make him more comfortable.
Thing is, he's willing to treat you badly in front of people he knows. He thinks he can trade off, earning their respect by disrespecting you. NOT COOL.
If he doesn't respect you in every single situation, then he doesn't respect you, full stop. I am so sorry that he has shown you this ugly side, but at least now you know this about him.
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