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I'm only 17 and my mother is already controlling my future children. I am not pregnant, nor plan to be, and my mom is already controlling what she wants her children to look like. She wants me to marry a man*(not woman)* that is white and blond. It annoys me so much because they are my children and I can choose who I am in love with not her. It's so annoying because she places so many limits in my love life and who I can date and who I can't. She is racist and homophobic and does not regard my opinions or views. She doesn't care if I'm in love with someone outside her standards. In addition to this, she wants me to live with her. The career I plan to pursue requires me moving across the state and she told me no. She tells me that her grand-children must be with her and that I will regret moving. That if I do move she will never see me again. It's so annoying because on the one side I love her for taking care of me and being a caring mother, but on the other she has 0 regards for my opinions and will control my life. what can I do?
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Try talking to her? I don't know if that'll work though. You're your own person and you shouldn't allow anyone else to take control of your life like this. Do what you want. Choose the life you want to live. That's all I would suggest, but I would do anything I want without the consent of her. Of course, I wouldn't do anything bad for myself. She shouldn't control you like this, maybe just talk to her and make her realize the things she's doing is wrong.
ReplyStart standing up for yourself I’m not saying for you to disrespect your mom no don’t ever do that but her know you’re not gonna control me or what my future will be
Reply"If I do move she will never see me again" - She's willing to cut off her nose to spite her own face, then, isn't she?
You have to live your life on your terms, and ignore her unreasonable (verging on insane) demands. How she chooses to respond to that is up to her. It will be painful for you if she makes good on her ultimatum and refuses to see you, but she's really given you no choice but to leave and pursue the kind of education, and career, and partner, and family that you want to have.
Staying at home and trying to fit around her weird, bigoted ideas for you will only make you feel unhappy, and small, and trapped.
I hope she'll soften up when she sees that in order to have a relationship with you, she has to accept you for the person you choose to be, and realises how content you are in the life you have made for yourself.
I hope she has eyes to see your truth, and the wisdom to open her heart to accept it. She may not come to that realisation, but you can show her your way.
Make a plan to follow your career, and make sure she can't stop you.
ReplyFollow your dreams, move across state - you only have one life. If she’s this bad before they exist I’d run a mile … I’m sure she’ll come around from a safe distance
ReplyShe is having a tough time letting go of her child. But that's the thing, you will officially be an adult.
Try not to cut her off for being so controlling; instead try to talk to her about unconditional love and boundaries. That you will always love her no matter what, but that she has to let you be you, as long as you're not hurting anyone or ending up in jail. Best of luck.
Courtesy notice: the following includes a reference to a book that contains writings over 2000 years old which are mostly parables about human nature, both vile human nature as well as moral human nature, parables that are meant to teach us to learn and grow, including the teachings of Christ Jesus. No religion required, and better yet: no public displays of devotion required, although the former and latter are admirable if practiced freely out of one's own free will and without the threat of being beheaded. Some bullies will label this "trolling", so "change the channel" now if of no interest to you.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
Mark 12:28-31
And Christ Jesus said the 2 greatest commandments are:
Love God first and foremost.
Love your fellow-being as you love yourself.
From following or not following these, all good or evil cascades, respectively.
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