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So for some background,I have been homescooled since forever and joined school in 6 grade and 7 and 8 grade I spent in lockdown. in the past I have been struggling with screen addiction and body image a lot. Now, I have overcome that and I feel so much better about my physical self. But dealing with my mental image is way harder than I imagined. I've been struggling with these problems for the late 3 years or so but now it's more serious than ever. I feel like I'm missing our on my school years. Jm already in high-school and I only have 2 or 3 actual friends. Normal students have close friends and they understand each other. Everytime I make a friend the thing I worry about the most is that I'll get backstabbed. I value friendship sooooo much but I feel like majority of people don't feel the same way. Because of this insecurity I either don't open up at all or open up way too early and drive the other person away. Another thing I'm really really missing out is having fun with teachers. In any kind of TV show or irl people share a deep connection with their teacher like a second parent. I have never been able to do that. I want to so bad I want to experience that fun. Someone who guides u and takes care of u. Someone who u can trust and share your problems with. Everyone has it. Why don't I?
Another thing I'm struggling with is a career path. No matter which path I take, I want to help people. I was thinking that a therapist would be nice job for me. I was discussing with my mom and my brother and father kept on interrupting. I know it's just family and they do that but it's not only them, anyone in general doesn't respect me or value me or even take me seriously. It's such a simple thing everyone has and yet I don't have it. This kinda pushed me over the edge and I stared crying. My mom comforted me but as I was venting she kept on saying how this is normal and every experiences it. I feel bad because there are people in this world who actually have problems and I am wasting all the facilities provided to me with exaggerated problems. What she told me helped me but j still feel a bit sad.
For me if I don't communicate with people for too long I break down and have depressive thoughts. The same thing happened in 2020 when lockdown was initiated. Now I've moved to a new city and this place is just so different. All the friends I made who helped me grow and heal are left behind and I'm alone once again.ive started making new friends but so far I don't know how it's going. I think it's going pretty well.
When I moved to this new city I had to take a break from a lot of things especially my dance hobby. I had built up so much stamina and practice but now because of moving I've lost it. I've cried in the past so many times while overcoming the pain and practicing I finally got to a place where I was satisfied and now I've lost that. In the blink of an eye. It's gone. I'm so frustrated. But honestly, I'm not afraid to start again. So I guess that brings me comfort. As Im writing this I'm beginning to feel a lot better. I guess I just need someone to talk to. I've improved so much since 2020. I not afraid to share my feelings anymore. I feel so much better.
Now that I've expressed my feelings I feel like these problems aren't that big and I have a wrong image of myself in my mind. I love myself but I feel like I need to love myself more to the point where these kind of thoughts can be limited. I know there are many people, friends, teachers and family who truly care about me.i know I'm not missing out on anything. Sometimes I just fail to notice that.
I'm feeling better now. I'm sure I'll do very good I this new city and new school. I just had to vent a little. From time to time I have these thoughts but today was like an outburst. I think it was for the best now that I've shared my thoughts and emotions.
If u are reading this, you are not alone. U may feel like it sometimes but there will always be someone who cares and loves u no matter what. Share your feelings too. I'm sure you'll also feel a lot better. <3
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When I was in high school a girl in my class made school fun for me by suggesting that we call ourselves Dirty Gertie and Smelly Ellie and tell a certain teacher our names were Gertie and Ellie. Every time the teacher called me by the name I couldn't help but laugh.
As for your career just pick one job to start with because you can have as many different jobs as you like throughout your working life. Life is a journey not a destination. I have done shop work, office work, telemarketing which I really liked, receptionist, and I wrote a book and had it published.
You should not love yourself but love God. You can be pleased with yourself. I wish you all the best.
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