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Here we go, life is hitting me again, all those memories, and worrying about the future. I'm just a 14-year-old kid.
I just wish they would listen and they would understand me more.
Just like what they say, I'm just useless and I don't do well in school, they tell me that I'm lazy because I'm always on my phone scrolling and playing, and I barely do house chores. I just wish I could prove to them that I can do better and that I can make them proud. I just don't have any motivation to do well and to even keep myself going.
Like what's the point of school anyway, they never cared about my mental health. No one even asks me if I was alright if I was having problems why I'm being like this, and no one even tried to listen when I tell them why.
I just want to disappear and I want everyone to forget about me.
I don't know, I just get depressed over school, Lose motivation and get sad all the time but at the same time my anxiety says "What if I fail?" "What will my parents think of me?", I'm afraid I'll be a failure.
This is the only thing I can do right now, is to write down my feelings so I'll feel a little better, because no one even wants to listen, and even if they want to listen, they will never understand and say I'm the bad guy for thinking like this, or the "being dramatic", they will never know the pain that I felt and the battles that I fought alone.
Do they even know that I used to get bullied? Oh yeah, they knew because I told them about it, but they never cared. And do they even know that made me have low self-esteem, I always get insecure about myself that I chose to starve myself to have that perfect body? I always try so hard to make my face pretty to be the girl everyone wants.
Do they know that the "game" they get mad about is the only thing that is keeping me happy? I play games to avoid depression.
The hope I have is that maybe one day they will understand, but I think maybe not. Been like this since I was 6 years old, and I kept hoping and believing that they love me, but I'm already tired. I was never the "favorite". I'm jealous of my siblings for having the attention because they are better than me. I always get scolded and get compared to anyone which just made me worse. I don't feel like myself anymore. That self I knew was happy, brave, strong, funny, and talkative, but now I'm sad all the time, I cry over little things, I easily get hurt by little words, and I talk less.
Well, at least I wrote and I can share my feelings even if it's just here
-jhz
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Do you want to move on?
Here are few thoughts that helped me move on, Now these may not suit you all, but it helped me, and I hope it helps you in someway. She doesn't talk to me,...
You are wonderful and perfect. Its just that there are a lot of labels, opinions, and descriptions added on to this truth, some by you and some by others, that make it hard to see and realize.
Everyone is on this life's journey at their particular location, moving in a direction at a pace that is possible for them. This includes your parents, friends, and siblings.
Basically, it is up to you to figure this stuff out. Everyone else has their own agenda and issues. This effort will continue for the rest of your life but things can get better starting pretty soon if you are willing to do the work.
I can give you enough pointers to get you started if you are ready to feel and do better.
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