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My sister who is 16 is talking to an adult she met somewhere. I'm 11 but I already know thats bad. She should also know since she's older than me. I saw her texts with him when she was away from her phone and they're super inappropriate. I should tell our mom right? I will but I don't want my sister to get mad at me so I need to come up with something so she doesn't find out that I told on her. I know our parents will be really mad and I don't want to get her in trouble but they should know anyway because it might be dangerous...
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Ask another family member to tell your mum that they heard that your sister is doing this and not to say that they heard from you.
ReplyThat won't work at all but OP needs to forget about anonymity if they want to try to help their sister
ReplyYour instincts about protecting your sister from potential harm by getting your parents involved is absolutely right. You should definitely get a trusted adult involved, and it sounds as though your parents are probably in the best position to decide how to approach this situation, even if you're apprehensive about how it will all turn out.
It's a brave thing to handle sensitive information like this, and hard to know how to set the right tone and deliver the message properly, if you're afraid your parents are going to react poorly, like spooked horses.
You can't really control for how your parents are going to react, but to give them the best chance of keeping their cool, you could perhaps have a quiet, private conversation with whichever one you think will be the most equipped to stay calm.
If I were going to have this conversation, I'd probably try it like this:
Ask to talk about something in private that you need help with.
Start the conversation by saying that you need them to listen calmly, and that you need their strictest confidence, because this is about something private. Keep your voice calm.
State that you have a concern about something going on with your sister. Pause here - Don't tell them exactly what the situation is, until the very end. Say that you are worried about her, but you don't know what to do.
Make sure they know that before you say exactly what it is, you want to be very sure that your parents are going to do their best to stay calm, because you're afraid of how it might create a big conflict. Ask your parent for reassurance that they will do their best to listen calmly about your concern for your sister's wellbeing.
Keep pausing as needed, to allow you and your parent space to maintain your composure.Hopefully, your parent will be ready to hear the bad news.
Then tell them that this older guy has been sending your sister messages on her phone. Don't focus on her sending messages to him - that's something your parents can learn about from their own investigation - just tell them that an adult stranger is sending inappropriate messages to your teenage sister.
Emphasise again that you're just worried about her, but that she might not see it that way, and you don't know how to talk to her about it without her getting upset, and that you need an adult involved.
Thank your parent for keeping their promise to listen calmly during your private talk, even though it's a difficult subject for you both.
Keeping it all very matter-of-fact, with no extra details, will help make it easier for your parent to understand and absorb. You'll have given them a chance to see the plain facts, before any of their parental worries kick in. Use plain language - avoid any emotive words that might cause alarm, like "creepy" or "dangerous"... and try to avoid placing any judgement on either your sister or yourself. As far as anyone is concerned, neither of you has done anything "bad" or "wrong" - you just find yourself in a situation you don't know what to do, and you need an adult to step in and help you.
Your parents might ask you follow-up questions. Answer them as simply and honestly as you can, sticking to the facts as calmly as possible.
I hope your parents may surprise you by being more level-headed about your sister's text messages than you were worried about, but there's a good chance they'll confront your sister and things could be tense in your household for a little while. It's still important that you tell them, though it never feels good to be the bearer of bad news. You're doing a brave thing - Good luck.
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