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Here we go again.
So a lot goes on in my head. Thoughts just kind of zigzag and criss-cross and go in every direction. The thought that keeps coming to the forefront of my mind is that I'm not worth anything. I'm not worth the time of day, my feelings don't matter, and no matter how much I try it's not gonna change.
Whenever I thought I mattered or Whenever I felt like my feelings were hurt, I've been called "too sensitive ", or I've just been brushed off, too many times. I've learned to accept that; that I'm just a waste and try to move on with my life, numb, but today driving home from work, I don't know what kept me from doing it, but I just wanted to turn the wheel sharply to the left and run off the road. I also thought about just ramming into the back of the person in front of me, maybe die on impact, but then I would've ruined someone else's life. Instead I just pulled over and cried for about 10 minutes.
I don't know why I'm still going. I plan to end my life in about 20 years, but I often think about just doing it now. Even though I think about it a lot, I might just stick with the plan and end it later on.
I hope that my death would bring about some peace to the people around me. I wouldn't be so much of a blight, or a burden and they'd be able to move on and just forget that I was even alive. I don't know who'll read this, you don't even know me, but I'm sorry that I'm inadequate. I'm sorry that I'm not Like other guys, I'm sorry that I'm not stronger, and I'm sorry that I'm not worth anything. I'm sorry that I don't know what else to say but I'm sorry
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i don’t know you, nor everything that you’re going through, but i’m glad you’re still here and i know it’s just words from someone random but i’m genuinely glad that you are, and just know you’re worth so much more than you can see and hopefully you’ll see it one day too. you don’t need to apologize for being who you are. ever. continue to unapologetically be yourself
ReplyYou have nothing to be sorry for. What you're experiencing is valid. You're not inadequate. You're a human being, and human being are sensitive and emotional and always struggling. Those thoughts unworthiness that you have are coming from somewhere, whether its the people around you or you. Because someone our greatest enemy is ourselves. So if you feel that your thoughts zigzagy, what i would advise to do is to write them or find a mean to let them out. For example, To day i feel that i'm worthless, Why do i feel like that ? WHat or who made me feel like that ? What can i do to shake off that feeling ?
This is what i do when i feel like my mind is racing and i hope you find a way to express yourself.
Just know that your life matter no matter what you do.
And that even if you don't anyone, you have yourself at the end of the day.
Reply