scar tissue

i feel like i've been unable to move past my previous heart breaks, even though my last relationship was nearly four years ago. i got hurt so badly so many times in a row, any time i consider dedicating time to somebody and getting into a relationship, I feel terrible anxiety. my heart starts to beat, i feel nauseous, and the heartbreak feels fresh. i feel like i'm broken beyond repair and i'll never be able to take that next step. i will always flirt and lead on and hope that the feeling won't return, and i will always retreat in devastation when it goes too far and leave somebody else forlorn in the wake of my past pains. i'm usually so optimistic, but this is something i feel utterly hopeless on.